Just so we both are on the same page, I have no solid plans as to where I'll be sleeping tonight.
Even if you were sober, spitters are STILL quitters, end of story.
I was literally just a half conscious dildo.
I need you to send me a picture of your dick. I want to forward it to that girl and you and i both know you're more impressively sized
Everything's a blur with pockets full of jello
Some idiot from high school is in the hospital for bonging three beers up his ass
He should have died. Natural selection.
As his dick went in he shouted GOAL at the top of his voice.
Considering how much money I just spent on slutty lingerie, it is totally appropriate for me to be plucking my nipple hair right now. Right?
You tried to get the Waffle House waitress to put a candle in your cheesy hash browns.
please remind me of this if i ever start out a night declaring my goal is to see how much american honey it takes for me to forget who i am again
I feel like a bottle of fireball rented a bull dozer and ran me over until I was left without a shred of my dignity
You don't come back from leaving a bag of shit on someone's counter Jill
So, anyways, aside from wanting to seduce my roommate for booze, how's everything been
Two of the boys I banged while living in that house are about to move into it hahhaaha
He’s basically a sexual superhero. A mild mannered marketing intern by day, but a very horny 22 year old with pornstar stamina at nights!
Randomize
