Hey I found your number in my phone i dont remember how we met this is richard btw
strange i dont have your number must have been a drunk thing
could be more
absolutely not
3 complete strangers have joyously high-fived me on campus today. Tell me why, starting after jager bomb #4.
adderall flavored popcorn. yes we did it and its awesome
I would call you but I don't feel like these hands belong to me.
He was president of his frat and had a clap on disco ball in his room... or course I slept with him
So the bartender from Applebees totally looks like he would take his clothes off for $40
I like how you possess the gift that turns normal guys into strippers
Note to self: do not ride giant beanbag chair down stairs.
I just got my beard fondled by a drunk chick outside the venue. I feel slightly violated. And I think her boyfriend wanted to fight me.
I apologized to him for my lack of boobs after he felt me up
I'm so annoyed. We're about to buy groceries for the week and at this point I'm hoping to sustain myself on pure alcohol.
You sent me a snapchat of you hugging a beer with the caption "best friend"
It's gonna be like a sexual version of A Christmas Carol in my house in a few days.
I'm crying during the second episode of Golden Girls that's how high I am.
She started crying because the Rugrats grew up
i feel like you should know pants are always optional
Randomize
