I got my nipple pierced! I love it so much!
Well, there goes breastfeeding.
You and your empty threats of no sex. Like.u.cud.hold.out.
Cruel joke of nature. Hair on head runs from face, and hides on various parts of body. Aging sucks.
you asked the guy at 7-11 if he remembered when you came in and threw news paper every where... then you did it again
Last night after we fucked, I washed my vag in vodka so I wouldn't get an STD
Or, you could have used a condom
I turned down free cocaine. I both respect and regret and that decision.
Woke up with a migrane, threw up blood, then my headache went away. I'm going to convince myself that it was just a bad batch of blood so I can drink again tonight
Nope, just sitting on the couch, eating an advent calendar, being depressed about the herps.
And a psychic told me I was pregnant and I am just so over life right now.
Make sure you take the apple pie out of your pocket before you pass out.
Best part of having a window in your office is that you can leave through it when you shit your pants at work.
like every night i go out someone always suggests nipple hugs so that's why I always end up topless
I'll be the Broncos and you be the Seahawks and you can pound the shit out of me.
You asked for 4 things: your phone, your wallet, your keys and your denture. I stopped asking questions.
Hey I’m obsessed with Charlie Heaton from stranger things...not because he got caught at the border with coke...okay that’s a lot of it
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