ally, we are sitting by a fire and you are totally hot. no pun intended
Turns out I'm like the Wayne Gretzky of hiding cum. Who knew?
So while she was giving me a lap dance I told her I quit med school. Just so she didn't feel like the only one who's made bad decisions in their life.
fyi, if youre wondering if offering a female police officer sexual favors will get you out of a ticket, the answer is no.
unlike you, ive never imagined darth vader masturbating
You should've stopped drinking when you started asking people for bites of tequila.
Well... When your girlfriend fucks your sister, the 2 week courtesy window goes out the door.
dreams really do come true on the roof and drinking again
SEXX, SEXX, SEXX,SEXX,SEX SEX SEXXXXXXX SEX SEX SEX SEX SEX SEX SEXSEXSEXSEXSEXSEX SEXSEXSEXSEXSEX.\nimagine that to the can can song. also come to my house. theres a dance routine.
After seeing all of the pics during the trial, all I could think was "her vagina doesn't look THAT dangerous"
The typical response to someone smacking their vodka soaked hand on your face is not to put your face in their crotch
And now I have a massive dip in and a Bloody Mary that would catch on fire if you put a flame close to it, with no pants on... At 8:15Am. Being single is pretty legit
Yeah, I got home from work at like 9:30, and he was passed out on the couch wearing only a tee shirt and The Jurassic Park theme on repeat.
This was the fourth year in a row I got arrested at Pride. Pretty sure that qualifies me as a legend.
I like to send nudes ok? If that's my biggest flaw I think I'm ok
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