6:33 AM: I'm drunk at this time of morning.
Is it weird being in the house without any roommates?
Nah, just masturbating louder
I woke up at 6 on his trampoline wearing only a parka.
Her thighs are so strong. I thought my head was gonna get crushed when I was eating her out
Dude's from Puerto Rico. Majoring in Spanish is like us majoring in drinking with a minor in watching Forgetting Sarah Marshall.
apparently "preggers as fuck" isn't an appropriate way to describe someone...
Dont eat ANYTHING off the floor at Matt's house. He likes floor sex.
she vomitted in her champagne, said "fuck it, it's new years", and continued drinking.
You kept trying to throw the grocery cart off the balcony.
Dude. That is just waaaay to much random to process after that tequila battle.
I won't be able to get a boner for a month
Challenge accepted.
The dog just shocked himself by peeing on Christmas lights, should I have saw that coming?
i always handshake my one night stand, im classy like that.
Listen, if I miss the flight to Vegas because she's still rimming my ass, it will have been worth it.
Thank you for dog sitting, there is $60 on my desk to be spent on DRUGS AND/OR GAS ONLY not that food stuff people crave.
Randomize
