She said her tits were too big, and he slapped her. He said that Jesus didn't appreciate bitches that fish for compliments
she told me if people cross their eyes and look at her, they say she looks like megan fox
Ok so now that we've actually had sex do I get the last name or are u really witness protection status?
Do you have any idea how hard it is to hit on your nurse while getting an HIV test.
Do not shit in our house. There is no TP. I am walking to get more, if I do not return, I have probably died of dysentery after my last wagon wheel got stuck in a gulch. Tell Martha and Lou Ann that I love them, and that I passed away doing the Lord's work.
He just sent me a picture of himself naked while cooking pancakes and he made the caption "bitchin' in the kitchen"
Qdoba locked their bathrooms last night.. I suppose so people didn't pee all over them? I considered it counter productive considering I just peed on the outside of their building then. I had to pee
Sometimes turtles just really trip me out man
What eyeshadow color says "yes I am at the dentist, and yes I am hungover please don't judge my life choices"
Being engaged is strange. I looked at my cock this morning and said, "we did alright these last 32 years, right?"
Bianca brought a stripper home he's making me breakfast
My hand smells like rave and peanut butter.
dude where did you go last night?
when the tequila says to run, you start running.
Yes we can sext. I'm taking my socks off.
Of course he did! You’ve seen my tits, you know he didn’t stand a chance!
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