we sang "a whole new world" together. either he's my gay best friend or the love of my life.
Hairspray is covering 85% of my body. Help.
Wait until you see the roof.
I DONT WANT TO PLUS I THINK I FLUSHED MY KEYS DOWN THE TOILET WHILE I WAS PEEING
It looks like a tornado ripped through our living room and scattered clothes everywhere.
Count the bras. It was a category 3 whorenado ... I convinced the lesbians to come back to the apartment for a bottle of wine.
sleeping in bed with your booty calls married sister...you're the stuff heroes are made of.
As I type I'm climbing my cousins swingset so I can take a nap inside the slide. Fuck this hangover. I always win.
Like there's an 87% chance I'll end up on the bedroom floor demanding sex while freestyling in your face. I'm going to buy rum.
Yes. We drank 3/4 of a handle of vodka, fried and ate a 3lb package of bacon, I tackled the neighbors snowman, made snow angels in our underwear, and then fucked all night. Christmas success.
Ahh, 151. Think of it this way: it took one shot to get you buzzed, I took eight. I may or may not have broken a tv with my skull that night and met someone's parents naked and hungover the next morning.
I got slapped by a drag queen and bitten on the arm by either a random girl or a weird mouth shaped dog. Tough to tell without seeing the teeth
I think once you know a guy's chest measurements the stalking has gone too far..
I just realized that every possible way I walk to campus I walk by the house of someone I slept with
So much Jack, so little girl.
We had a moment of silence for all of the orgasms he gave me with his beard before he shaved it off.
Was last night real life? Like did you really light your hair on fire
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