I was cleaning up my drunken mess and I found my ID in a cereal box
I cant even remember his name or what he looked like. all I remember is what the tattoo on his forearm looked like.
well, he kindof looked like a walmart greeter. I tried to stop you
No, you dont understand, he literately fucked me into a new hairstyle, quite nice too.
his mom gave me my lost underwear folded up along with the rest of my christmas present. tell me this cannot be happening.
me neither. i remember bell pepper tequila but not why or yelling
Hahaha, I forgot about doing shots out of the bell pepper
Okay good. And who the fuck put a condom on my foot. That shit hurt
Totally passed out on the dealers bed after paying him all in ones so no, i dont think i'll be getting a discount soon.
U should feel bad.. u r like a sex politician. All talk and no follow thru
Is this a drinking picnic?
Is there another kind?
I can't believe this. 100 bucks says my Botox lasts longer than their marriage will.
If I showed up at your door with pizza and a bottle of tequila wearing nothing but chaps and a fireman helmet, would you send me away?
We dated for a month and a half. he didn't like blow jobs. I honestly don't think he was human.
Come on in. I'm butt naked, in the kitchen, eating ice pops
Tinder has really served to stimulate the number of sex related demons summonings.
I CAN’T BELIEVE YOU STUCK YOUR DICK IN CRAZY!
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