He just left - my room smells like that cheese they put on nachos and cigarettes and beef
Yo quero taco bell
So how Liz Lemon is this? I bring a boy home, we get in bed, and I realize there's a lean pocket wrapper in the sheets.
If Curt Schilling could pitch a game with that blood-filled sock... if Tiger Woods won the 2008 US Open with a torn ligament, then I'd be an embarrassment to the human race if I couldn't manage to at least jerk him off even if I was still crying after he put it in my butt.
Kay wants to put chicklets in our cooters to make beavers and take pix captioned Got Wood? Taking public transit does scary things to her.
It just gets louder and louder too...dear god. Her poor vagina.
I cleaned out the fridge, had to pound the brews. I am going to be wrecked for my final at 1
Yeah well my vagina has expectations too but they don't get met all the time.
What can I say? When alcohol is my motivation, I can move mountains.
I've got mace and a condom. Ready to roll either way and keeping my pimp hand strong.
He was my shower sex Sherpa last night. And we both made it safely up the mountain.
He thought my hair would soak it up. I HAD TO CUT IT OFF.
"Douchebag of the Year" award goes to the guy who didn't reply to the picture of my tits.
I'm also sorry that I ate your chicken sandwich while you were throwing up....
I don't know man, I woke up and shes here acting like she knows me, wearing my clothes, and scrambling eggs in my kitchen. I don't know her.
You were drinking with me last night, I warned you.
Was looking through my phone and saw that drunk me took a tit pic in the Denny's bathroom..
Randomize
