i went to toss her salad and she had a toilet paper clinger on one of the hairs
she just stood in the kitchen yelling "REAL WOMEN HAVE CURVES"
As soon as I saw the video camera and red light on, I started rolling my eyes when he would put it in me and telling him maybe his dick was too small cause I didn't feel anything...trust me that tape is going nowhere
We are not buying weed off a guy from the internet.
did you know that if you have sex in the elevator on the way up that people can still get in?
Just whatever you do please don't lick his face again.
Being thankful with your family is one thing. Being thankful with your friends while getting drunk and smoking bowls while eating leftovers, priceless.
I think I'm dead. Why did I think it was a good idea to hang from the banister while someone poured liquor into my mouth?
We got way too high so we're sitting in the parking lot of the movies trying to figure out what bar to go to
So I had sex with a hook nosed, lisping masadonian last night.
Glad that degree in literature is paying off. Nice adjectives. Maybe set the bar a little higher though?
Why is your solution always to masturbate
Because it usually works
Where are you and why are you fighting with a bird?
Mom is talking about dicks with her friends in the living room. I am 5 seconds away from scaling the bathroom window out of here.
The highlight of the night was definitely when you starting telling ppl you could shapeshift and "proved" that by stripping.
I just blew thrown up hashbrowns out my nose. That's the level of this hangover.
Randomize
