i permit you to call me
Dear everyone that texted me last night wondering where i was. i ended up face down blacked up drunk before i made it to the party. My bad
ew. I made a sandwich, and the cheese reminded me of her vagina
I can't go out tonight. I feel like I'm starting to party as much as Farrah on Teen Mom.
made out with three guys on the first night of college orientation, just imagine what joys all of next year will hold
did you find a tooth?
did you lose one?
The nurse who basically saved my life just came into the store. Didn't recognize her. Awwwwkward.
Underwear, t-shirt, bottle of Pinot Grigio and Golden Girls. I've hit a new level of homosexual.
Of course it was necessary for me to call the strip club and ask what their shower policy is. Smelled like she was wiping her ass with my eyebrows during that dollar dance.
legit question. can i put a condom down our garbage disposal? my rents are coming over in 20
YOU DON'T JUST GET TO CALL AND SAY YOU MIGHT BE DEAD, THEN NOT ANSWER!
Don't blame me. My vagina leads me astray.
I think the only option is to smoke so much weed I just pass out for 3 days.
Someone who makes you cum so hard that you have an asthma attack is clearly your soulmate
You can accomplish quite a bit with a can do attitude and a well placed ice cube.
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