You know how I know he's a virgin? He's wearing transition lenses.
the beat of "birthday sex" is shockingly similar to my dry heaving rhythm. it's making me nauseous all over again.
Well.. considering he unknowingly dated a prostitute, I consider myself the winner in that break up.
if I want to go home with a foreign boy, please feel free to let me go, sober me gives you permission to let drunken me do it
She was doing lines off of her friends boobs in the limo at 9 oclock on a thursday This has the potential to be the best weekend ever
only in a texas roadhouse would someone whistle while I was breastfeeding.
OH MY GOD DO YOU REMEMBER WISHBONE? DO YOU REMEMBER THAT LITTLE BITCH? WHAT'S THE STORY WISHBONE
Walked in the bathroom at work and my boss was taking a shit with the stall wide open and responded "oh yeah, I forgot you never have been to prison "
I responded with "neat-o burrito" to his SEXT...he tried so hard and I just panicked.
I just realized I'm currently not eating carbs, drinking alcohol or having sex. 2014 is off to a horrible start.
Yupp. He's definitely a screamer.
he said he couldn't believe he just lost his virginity and passed out. what have i done
Im 76 percent sure I took a fully clothed shower last night.
Come over I need help. I just almost died in an acid flashback while listening to do You Feel Like We Do off of the Frampton Comes Alive album.
I’m turning 34 on Friday and I feel like the only thing I’ve accomplished in life so far is getting into pissing matches with clients
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