You finger a girl once and she thinks she loves you. I'm going back to boys. Lesbians are needy.
i like how i just referred to his pregnant wife as the "other" melissa and you didn't even judge me.
I'm taking this break up pretty rough.. I've never been to sad to masturbate.
Also you were throwing your phone yelling this is durable as shit
so im sitting outside the gym eating a 20 piece nugget stoned out of my mind, convincing myself this is more productive because im so close to the treadmills.
So the name of the kid from the sponsor a child comercial popped into my head while I was masturbating this morning. Needless to say I will now be now be donating out of guilt.
I'm in a waiting room at the hospital - and there's a dude here who is WAY too proud of his urine sample.
can anyone on this campus do anything sober?
You know I ate twenty hot dogs in an hour once.
I am honestly so surprised you are a lesbian.
I'm drunk, laying in bed, eating macaroni salad. I dropped a piece and tried to pick it up with a fork. My cleavage is bleeding and I haven't been laid yet. Heeeyyyy!!!
Our sibling relationship has really blossomed into a wonderful mutual acceptance of sluttyness
I knew I'd like her from the moment she supported me messing around with my co-worker on my lunch break
Apparently swingers are magnetically drawn to me?
I s2g I’m about to get ghosted by a 34 yr old and my Oedipus complex cannot take it
It's 1:37. You have 23 minutes to get your dick to the bar before I go home with the bartender... tick... tick...
Randomize
