Gfs sis is in town. Its awkwardly obv that we want to fuck each other.
i lost my phone in the process of getting a condom out of my hair
Sitting next to a girl in the computer cluster who just googled syphilis symtoms, started crying & got up and left. My life suddenly seems better.
i ditched last period to have sex with him. i had to change into my skank clothes in the church parking lot. little kids were on the swings.
nothing about this is right.
The dentist just giggled when he accidentally shot water across my face, I can sense how he treats women.
I make one hell of a fire on Ambien. Other life choices not so much. But fire. Fire I can do.
I woke up in my living room, on the floor, wearing nothing but a fur coat?
I ate you ate to the whole david gray album
Came so hard my ears popped. This lovely piece of news and pissin in my driveway brought to you by rum
Sometimes the gods of alcohol choose to take you on a mysterious journey and you just have to go with it
Well, I got fired yesterday. At least I already paid for my Adele tickets.
A massage should never include spaghetti sauce. shit was fucked up
I may have made out with your roommate and your cousin tonight. In my defense I thought both of them were your cousin.
Is it good porn? Or is it more of that fucked up Cabbage Patch Doll porn you made us watch
I know you’re not my dad, but you’re someone’s dad. You’re also like a second dad to me as well. And one who I send nudes to as well. Happy Father’s Day
Randomize
