Why don't you ever send me any naked pics
the liability waiver did not state that i couldn't bring my bottle of wine in the bouncy castle. it did Not.
a lady just got escorted out of the bar because she came in carrying a can of gasoline while smoking a cigarette....this place is the definition of class
She's coming to town, taking me to a Suns Game, wants Anal, and knows we're not going to date, I imagine this is what heaven is like
Good to know: if a hot girls asks to go back to my place, she probably just needs to vomit all over my bathroom
Do you not remember you showing everyone in the bathroom your period stained underwear? I'd say you were pretty happy it came
theres 2 cans of open Campbell's soup on the counter and a note that says "guess which one is puke" ... want lunch?
Omg do you remember last night you kept pointing to your vag asking who wants to play this like a fiddle hahaha
There is a direct correlation between gooch size and male fertility. Science.
She just asked to come over. She's either going to bring one of her dads guns and kill me or we're going to end up having insane lesbian sex.
Cool. I might be making a sickly but incredibly well dressed wine drunk appearance in a couple hours
Goodnight Shia. Goodnight Moon.
just realized we fucked to the ultimate disney playlist last night. hakuna matata.
CyberMonday=Bulk Condom Shopping For 2018
There's wine in the fridge here. You could leave school and we could get day drunk.
That's my favorite drunk.
Randomize
