i just compared eating a chick out to "gargling a cheeto"
She said she didn't want to have sex because she was so torn up about "this whole NBC thing."
i found you on the dancefloor with your cell phone to your ear saying that you didn't like the music they played at the club so you were going to listen to your own
I have got to stop getting laid on my lunch breaks. I AM SO HUNGRY RIGHT NOW.
I don't know if I should be scared or excited that I can officially drink vodka on the rocks like it's 7up.
My password hint says "not sunset, also facebook." i need to stop doing computer things while high. I will never figure this clue out.
I remember desperately screaming that I love my life and running in zig zags all the way home
Dude I walked 1.4 miles through the hotel wearing a cowboy hat, pink topped boots, gucci shades, and a scarf and met my parents in the hallway at 7 am how is this not a good start to Vegas?
I was about to take him home and fuck his brains out but then the police came and arrested him for the stolen credit card he had been buying me drinks with all night...
you know she was a bad idea when your mom offers to pay for an eHarmony account
FUCK and YOU. times 10. To infinity and beyond. You bastard. Worst. Cockblock. Ever. I'm going to nail your sister.
By god, his vagina is better looking than mine.
I just put poptarts in the toaster with the wrapper on, that's how hungover I am.
sober me needs to have more faith in drunk me.
I don't remember anything beyond the drinking game but I woke up in my own pee this morning so I'm just gonna go out on a limb and say I overdid it.
Randomize
