I like to think it a success when the cops are called
First date: that requires underwear, huh?
Just once id like to sleep with a man who i havent thrown up on
Did the game of beer pong go wrong before or after the cops and fire department showed up?
15 year-old stoners have those problems. we're college students dude. dont be like that...
Dude are you wearing a trashbag right now?....
I seemed to have misplaced my pants...
So we just accidentally broke into a building from the third floor while carrying shovels. The security guards are still very confused
She can't brag about all the anal sex she has and then expect me not to awkwardly stare at her boyfriend when she brings him around
He went snooping and now he's all intimidated by my super amazing box of sexy time toys.
Please stop calling it that.
You can't give me tequila around boys who have girlfriends. That ain't new.
Day two of not drinking, I think my cat is trying to eat me.
Psychosis secondary to sobriety???
He's not very smart so he didn't know I was yelling at him with monologues from Scandal.
I just unmatched him. If your Thirsty Thursday only consists on the gym then I am not the woman for you ✌🏻️
Just witnessed a man yell "gonna catch a slut!" at himself in the mirror while doing bicep curls at the gym.
I was...perplexed.
I told you that you couldn’t eat fifty tacos, you slapped me in the face, ate seventeen tacos, and fell asleep on my floor
Randomize
