she gave up head for lent, but she said sex was still fair game
Dudes got a Polo tattoo. I don't care if he has a yacht I can't handle that level of gay.
That girl you went home with last night was dressed in a bright blue sweats at the bar. 205lb Smurffete FTL. Boy were you in epic form.
I woke up to my dog trying to clean my vagina.
she played "i just wanna get married" by jagged edge while we were having sex. why cant i avoid stage 5 clingers
Amazing. Super drunk. We stole a street sign in a golf cart and went around jousting trash cans all night.
Casually had to file a missing persons report last night
While looking for an apartment, I've realized that the way I rate balconies is on the "how easy would it be to smoke weed here" scale.
What other scale is there?
It is. We should just be drunk all the time forever everything is like just 90% more perfect
Yeah, you're right, it's a conspiracy against you. This small tight knit group of people who don't like assholes.
I don't give a shit if she's homeless, if you're gunna live outside el pollo loco and act like a bitch I'm squirting you with my water bottle
I may or may not have told him that he's "the only one with a PHD in this pussy"... I should like direct cheesy porno flicks or something.
This morning confirmed it...there's no maybe about it. She definitely wasn't born with it. It was definitely the Maybelline.
bought even stevens on dvd and enough weed and pizza bagels to last us a week.. ready to get snowed in?
Well the grass always *looks* greener on the other side but sometimes that’s bc there’s a sewage runoff...
Randomize
