I dated that bitch for 9 months and didnt get as much as a hand job. I met her sister last night for the first time and smashed that...twice
I respect that
Hashbrowns don't come out your nose as easily as you would think
What kind of person begs for a BJ from someone who just got their wisdom teeth out?
my mom just found my flavored lube in the basement. she gave me a lecture about how "giving head is degrading" omg i feel sooooo bad for my dad
Theres a picture of you hanging up on the wall in mcdonalds, i'm impressed
If you're knocked up, we're telling everyone it's mine and that the power of our love overcame the inherent reproductive limitations of two vhagines.
You took my underwater blowjob virginity.
You need to be more adventurous.
I am! Just not in a "I wanna get diseases" way
Pretty sure the shower sex fucked up my hip alignment... im walking like im 104 today
Dude just bought the table 3 bottles of champaign and broke one on the floor as his "signature" and he makes me want this recession hit harder
so "excuse the stench" wasn't the correct thing to say when your boyfriend's parents walk in on you shitting. Live and learn
I just rolled a blunt at my desk. Happy early Friday!
I'm sorry that you wanted to get laid and I all I did was play with your new cat instead.
All I remember is being in the middle of the road puking and my bestfriend cheering me on from the passenger seat...
so I just realized.. of my 70k student loan debt, most of it went toward bar tabs, eightballs, and sweet-ass ties to wear to gamedays and other people's weddings. I think about shit like this while I'm at my mid-level management position. you know. "working."
Look upon your future, America, and despair.
Randomize
