Dude, I just saw a bird vs. squirrel fight. A car won.
the next time i see a chick with leggings under her jean skirt...i'm gona beat her ass with a fashion magazine...
Dude I'm telling you, conditioner is the best for jerking it in the shower. It feels great and afterwards everything is all smooth
Listen, I'm 30. If it doesnt involve a super soaker and some chicken wings, you can count me out.
i purposely bought her a small sweater. My way of saying, you've gotten fat.
Sorry I didn't pick up for your booty call. I usually am asleep at 4:00 on Thursdays. Like a normal person.
Just because its your birthday does not mean u can play quarters by dropping quarters into cups to make me drink.
so why was i the only one who woke up with ham stuck to my ass?
What happened to fro yo and sex?
I don't know what his name was or what he looked like, but I remember him rocking me to sleep with his cock
Welp just ran into my high school history teacher while buying a pregnancy test...there goes my veil of innocence in this town.
It's almost sad. It's like the Harambe of vagina stories really.
I'm really stressed out right now.
I think you're confusing "stressed" and "sober".
Gameplan: If the cops show up, find a potted plant to hide behind... It's worked before!
Pro: 2020 made it easier to hook up with strippers
Con: explaining to Kari why there’s always strippers at our house
Pro: there’s always strippers at our house
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