He looked me in the chest and said "I think I was visited by the titty fairy last night"
all i know is that they all tuched my pee cup last night.
only you would photoshop your dick
i wish we had morning classes together so we can spike our coffee.
I can't wait for you to see these terrible photos I'm about to have taken with some stripper looking girls. I don't know what this photographer is thinking
Dude, this guy showed up with a 40 and stayed for two days. I want that lack of responsibility
I feel like i could break down a fucking wall with this boner
Soooo, coming over soon?
No just sleep deprived. James woke me up at 7 and forced me to eat a hot pocket with him cause he " didn't want me to die".
So I found a skull ring inside me this morning. I'm assuming its yours, so I'll leave it in my mailbox for you - it looks expensive.
There are panties and mini bottles of Fireball in my purse. Except for the broken toe incident, I'd say last night was probably a success.
Dude you spent 20 minutes on the phone with dominos answering machine trying to order a pizza
One day soon I'll learn the difference between a good high and way too high. Today is not the day.
I thought accidentally shaving off my fingertip while trying to shave my butthole was going to be the most unexpected part of my day, but no
The bad thing is that I bled through my bandages last night and keep finding blood around the house. It's almost like a scavenger hunt for solber me. I get to find out where drunk me went.
Remember, today is also the anniversary of Harambe's death. D**** out.
Randomize
