drunk enough to think that masterbating in the pool is an awesome idea
Well i have to fuck at least one of your roommates this year to keep the tradition alive.
if you want blown tonight you're gonna have to take me up on that offer now. in less then 45 minutes you're gonna be blacked out and i'm not doing something i'm not getting credit for in the morning.
So as your former husband, I get to give you away at the wedding right?
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He fell asleep and I'm awkwardly laying here because all I have to wear is my tutu. I'm pretty sure his roommate is going to be back soon so this should be fun. This is my life now. PS. the background of his phone is a picture of his hedgehog.
I can't tell if they're having sex or watching the beach scene from Saving Private Ryan. All I know is I hear explosions and men screaming and crying
Found your glasses drenched in ketchup on my driveway this morning
Where the hell did all of these gingers come from? It's like they crawled out of their shame-caves for st Patrick's day.
I was making out with him, and then his friend randomly took off my pants and started going down on me. My first semi-threesome was a success.
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And I just want to be like your tongue is not a FUCKING sword
There was an unopened condom by my car when I went to pick it up this morning. Someone may have fucked on the hood of my car last night. Don't think it was me but I can't rule it out 100%.
The tequila covers up the fact that the choco liquor tastes like sadness.
I had a drinkin contest with a person that didnt exsist, fuck withdrawl day
Hold on are you sure that we dont have another roommate?
Yes.
Am I supposed to get so horny by looking at your dick that I start orgasming uncontrollably
Angels sing when his face is between my thighs. I came 3 times before he even came up for air.
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