So I just walked in on one of our neighbors having sex...on our couch.
WHAT?!
He apologized for staining our couch, then asked if he could make me a drink. Pretty sure he was still inside her while we were talking.
He cooked the food on a paper plate in the oven.
I just met a guy from Australia at the bar. I asked him what it was like down under and he told me if I went home with him he'd let me find out. I love Australians.
i didnt like the question options for my yahoo account..so i made up the question and it was "favorite bathroom to shit in"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I feel like I bought a front row ticket to watch her screw up her life
Just saw a woman in bootie shorts and a winter coat at the library. God. Bless. Prostitutes.
He laid on the ground 100 ft from the car crying about how he just wanted to be home already
So I got drunk last night and attempted to shave a landing strip on my vag. I now have a 8 lane highway on my crotch now. Just looks like a random ass square.
He should know he can't successfully wrestle in pudding fully clothed. Amateur.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I made it crystal clear I'm only upset because he's not anywhere fit to be a father of my unborn zygote
you smell like cheap hookers & chicken nuggets.
My roommate just walked in on him eating me out ..happy finals week right?
It was the easiest thing I've ever done. 3am she walked into my room, saw my Buffalo Bills blanket, said go bills and got naked.
I wouldn't hate if he could handle a sex only type of ship. I really don't want to use the word "relation" in front of that.
I think next time I give head I'm gonna try making the chewbacca noise.
I look forward to it
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