I still think their baby is ugly. I also still think it's yours.
A homeless guy asked you to feel your boobs, you accepted in exchange for his broom to go with your witch costume..... that's when I cut you off
I'm getting the same feeling waiting for the web-page to load that has my final grades that I get when I take a pregnancy test. I think I'm gonna leave my computer for 3 minutes.
The girl behind me in psych just tapped me on my shoulder to tell me there was a condom wrapper in my hood.
I've ID'd the nipple biter.
i'm drinking whiskey out of a ziplock bag in a movie theater. i'm THAT girl.
They sent me to the hospital. Apparently, of the many things I said, I looked at the doctor and told him, "Wow... it's like you're a REAL DOCTOR!"
How do I discreetly dispose of sex toy packaging that is recyclable? What to do...what to do?
I have 13 missed calls from when I slept outside on some rocks
We are the best cocktail. We look appealing, taste amazing, and ruin lives.
At some point the phrase "I've hit rock bottom" stopped having a meaning and became my general state of life
One door closes, one man cooks for you through the next open door
Just fantasized about my boss's fingers in a meeting. I desperately need to get some.
When I type "sleep" my phone suggests "with Trevor". My phones an asshole.
I feel fine lol. I tried climbing a tree but the branch broke and I got arrested.
Randomize
