I just woke up with a girl who has left and right tattoed on her wrists. In french. I may need to stop drinking.
We are allowed to think Jacob from Twilight is hot in 468 days!
I don't know what is sadder, the fact that you figured that out or the fact that I can't wait until then!!
Remeber, hes got nothing better to offer you than drunk words and hairy balls.
i was focused on more important things... like standing, and not spilling my beer
His birthday is on fathers day. I know its a cruel coincedence but this is too funny to pass up.
I might have a beer. Just to keep this hangover on its toes.
The only coherent words in the 6 texts i recieved were don't, cute, fucking, beer, and lions
He corrected me on my grammar when I came. Fuck English majors.
I am literally missing a chunk of eyelashes. That's how fun it was.
We found a stripper pole in your closet. It seemed like a good idea. Alex will fix the hole in your wall. Sorry.
Woke up this morning in a randoms bed clutching an airplane ticket. God I hope I'm still in the country
I want to figure out a way to work "if you suddenly die, I might turn into an extreme hoarders" into my valentines day poem
I was cracking open beer cans, throwing them off the roof, and yelling "FRAG OUT!"
do you think the dildo I'm bringing through airport security is considered a weapon?
I dont know who to turn my two weeks notice into so I'm just going to get hammered at work and see who fires me.
Randomize
