Life Lesson Number 76: Masturbating into a sock is useless if there is a hole in it.
Just saw some girl biking on campus with a babyseat on the front. Baby included. Do you know how many points that'd be worth?
i'm satisfied with the level of pretty that his new girlfriend isn't.
I somehow ended up with a bottle of red wine in one hand and white in the other and would drink them at the same time. Ruined
She wasnt impressed wen i brought a guy for her back with me, a 3am impromptu sperm donor is not a gd birthday present. Im a bad gf.
When i say that im working late and also have a paper to write before 9am tomorrow all i want u to respond is saying that ur gunna come over and sexually distract me from my responsibilities. Not a fucking frowny face.
Sorry. Im on my way.
this is not the first time I've had hot dogs and 151 for thanksgiving.
I've seen people win free drinks for a lot less dude, no need to drop trou on a piano.
Pretty sure that molly fried my sinus infection away; i regret nothing
She's one of those people who could be either 16 or 23. In which case she's too old for me or in dangerously jailbait territory for you, bro.
You snapped me at 3am drunk laying on your floor asking if I knew how we couldn't have predicted the housing crisis.
Never in my life have I seen a grown ass man get on all fours and attempt to buttfuck himself with the leg of a chair. I love Vegas!
We had sex then laid in his bed eating chocolate and drinking juice boxes. I think I'm going to keep him around.
It's weird having sex with someone you actually like
I just bartered a blowjob for the ex-fiancée's engagement ring. FTW!
Randomize
