her name is jenna, so i wanna cunt punt her
that's how i am about ashleys and britneys
i wish there were pregnant emoticons
It was kind of weird
What did your mom walk in?
She flung her tampon across the room.
Which one of you FUCKERS filled the toilet with soil and planted my mothers daisys in it? NOT FUCKING HAPPY
writing the newer testament. It's the 3rd for the series. I'll update u the rule changes later.
I've only been here for an hour and I've already made 6 babies cry.
Happy Birthday
As I was going down on her I noticed she had a tatoo on her inner thigh that said "Eat it like your birthday cake".
I only have two playlists on my iPod. One for when im getting drunk, one for when I'm getting high. Is this something to be worried about?
Found half of a five day old piece of pizza behind my dresser. Apparently it was drunkenly set there and got knocked down. It was such a happy reminder of last weekend.
I found a cheeseburger next to my tub once. It's there to shame you, but it always just makes me feel more awesome.
I couldn't stop laughing at the fact he was cutting lines with a sears card. What 24 year old has a sears card?
no we just smoked too much weed and listened to the tarzan soundtrack. phil collins is amazing
She started calling me daddy on the second date and I don't know how to react to that
HANDS OFF UNTIL AFTER I DO BUTT STUFF WITH HIM.
Who told you he won a fight? He slammed his face into the ground while trying to do 11 push-ups
First walk of shame in 18 years. Divorce is going well.
Randomize
