I can only date guys with blackberrys
I just decided its a new prereq to talk to me
Needless to say Beer Gardens severly frowns upon playing flip cups with real glasses.
I wish my new phone didn't autocorrect so well. People will never experience the magic of my drunk texts because they think I'm making a coherent statement.
he wanted me to put the condom on for him. I was high and couldn't figure it out.. so instead we played xbox.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Olympics start in one day, that gives us 24hrs to think of gold medal worthy drinking games
she is medically diagnosed as a nympho. she has the paper to prove it. hell. fucking. yeah.
Walking down the street at 11 pm dressed in bubble wrap. Why is the bar so fucking far away??
You have to wear the princess leia gold bikini every Sunday
Everyone heard you having sex but I just told them you were having a nightmare.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm in the fetal position watching the little mermaid and trying not to die. When do you come home?
SHUN THE NONBELIEVERS. THUS SAYS THE NIPPLE LORD
for real. if he messaged me that i'd have made his penis cower in a corner.
Yo I get this girl alone in my room last night but she bounces cus she thought the full house poster was "weird"
I just got back like 5 minutes ago, I have two champagne bottles that I carried with me on the train home and a Dunkin donuts coffee cup full of stolen butter, I've been in a windowless room for the last 6 hours, time does not exist
what is your life
Free champagne that's what
you were walking down the sidewalk and just puked. didnt even stop or slow down and just kept going. i was so impressed i didnt even tell anyone you threw up on passing peoples shoes.
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