He started yelling "we're making a baby" mid thrust.. probably not the right guy for me right?
Uhg.. This isn't fair. I just want to have sex with you until i lose consciousness, wake up and start over... is that so much to ask?
Are you sighing at your phone and judging me right now?
Also, just had a student offer to sell me Xanax. Want some? Just for like a rainy day. Or our memorial day shitshow. Or just another Wednesday night.
I don't know if I want to live in a world where i can't fuck an exes brother.
Right now, millions of people are waking up to get ready for work, start their day, and be productive members of society. I just found a 40 stashed in my fridge. I'm getting daybreak drunk. Zero fucks are given.
Isn't being unemployed beautiful sometimes?
But I swear to god if I'm awkwardly there while you try to have sex with someone again I'm getting high with your dad
was it wrong to tell him he's welcome in my pants any time?
I try not to have friends with attractive fathers, it only brings my morals down.
Hey, you know that marble art statue thing in your bedroom? Hypothetically what would happen if a penis got stuck in it?
I woke up with her finger in my vag. Let's just say that I'm one horny inquisitive drunk.
Just got the test results back; apparently I'm red-green colorblind. this explains the past 18 years of my life and i'm wondering why i didn't realize this sooner
I mean, I was expecting a little more coke snorting and a little less kids and cake
I was drunk, but not drunk enough to forget I had some dude on his knees begging for forgiveness.
come on Dane.. ive been there. im like the female version of you, except with morals
Randomize
