Wtf. Who made this Big Mac, Helen Keller?
Is it bad that when my prof gave examples of "stalking" behavior, I either have done or would do most of them?
He took out the lube and started calling it fuck fluid
hey remember that 14 year old i met 5 years ago who i said i would bang 5 years from then?
Yup.
and i fell asleep on top of a grilled cheese sandwich. not the best decision. but not the worst.
I can't tell which way is up. Too many corners around his house too. An arbitary assimilation of edges.
Christ, I swear you are the high man's Dr. Seuss.
Come down. Bring Jorts. We're getting ready for this tricycle race like champions.
Tell me you didn't really piss in the hookah.
It's one of those mornings where you wake up and want to go to church for the first time in ten years. THAT shameful.
Im about to get a baby alligator stoned, what are you doing with your life?
You've thrown off my entire schedule. Usually SATURDAYS are my "try to hide the jizz on my leggings" days
barely 48 hours and I've done the dirty on both of my roommates beds before they've even slept in them
Yeah we were on bar number 7 on our bike trail and you decided to steal my bike and we found you 20 minutes later eating Cheetos in the shallow end of your parents pool
I came back from England with a face tattoo and the only thing anyone can talk about is my beard.
Probably some sort of karmic revenge for me looking at titties somewhere along the way
and for that you shall suffer
God: I won't strike you down, but I shall introduce your child to Doja Cat during a quarantine
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