i just won a 100 dollar gift card to walmart in a karaoke contest...i love kentucky
Just woke up on a couch in the FIJI house with 2 missed calls from someone I saved in my phone as "Some DU Kid Named TJ Maybe"
you make me proud to be your friend
I just opened a gallon of milk that is good through the 10th of January- I hope I can say the same for myself.
I accidentally requested the ides of march off instead of st patricks day. Is this an omen? will alcohol be my brutus?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
you almost dropped the shot glass then you thought you were such a hard ass for catching it that you slammed it on the table and broke it
Legitimate concern. Who am I going to have birthday sex with?
I cooked you Mac and cheese when I was drunk and drugged. That counts for about 4 meals. Try harder
All of the texts in my phone just say "BEER". I woke up with glowsticks on my arm. What happened last night?
Hon, I found you crying into a bathrobe in the back of a closet with a broken shoerack.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Alright, text me when you get close. I've got a mustache and I'm ready to get my day drunk on.
mom had to come pick me up from the hotel. I crawled to her car. She told me the entire way home if I puked in it I was going to lick it up. Like high school all over again...
Get off the floor, put away the cookie dough, get ur shit together Scott.
My first love was gay too, it's okay.
You better have a raging boner when I get to your house and it better be worth missing work in the morning.
are you comparing glasses to pregnancy
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