god please explain to me why there's blood underneath my fingernails AND toenails?!?!
Dude To be completely honest I don't think you want me to.
would you kill someone to have someone deliver pancakes to you when you were high?
I'm not saying we can't have sex tonight, I'm just saying we have to work it around Lost.
You told the bartender you needed 2 beers, and a shot of his cum...
Well if I fail my finals for being drunk on Cinco De Mayo there is always next year to graduate.
You said that last year...
100% truth: never tied someone to a bed using 4 pairs of sweatpants before
Note to self... Do not stick your head in a can of paint and try to paint the walls green with your hair
I just farted a soft, gentle fart and it made me think of the eye puff glaucoma test at the eye dr. I hope that's not fart air they use for those. And yes, I'm texting you from the toilet and yes again, I'm high.
He said "you speak American pretty good for a Canadian" and it took everything in me to still fuck him. Dry spell ended btw
I also slapped not one but two bananas on the ass, twerked in public, and I think I made out with someone
I haven't had to masterbate since I started dating him over a year ago. I don't even know if I remember how and my vagina is calling.
Was looking through my phone and saw that drunk me took a tit pic in the Denny's bathroom..
Ya it was crazy the power went just as she was about orgasm and the vibrator got fried with the power surge
passed out on bart again and decide to bike home. biked thru a goat farm of angry goats, biked on the freeway, got stopped by the cops, and sat shotgun in the squad car while the officer driving got a video on his iphone of his partner riding my bike on the freeway.
Sorry. I was preoccupied thinking about penises
Randomize
