I boned her and wore a Freddy mask once. It was pretty lol
There is nothing wrong with wanting a slide attached to your staircase
They were fighting, but then they bumped into the bong and it shattered. After that they just hugged and cried.
My New Years Resolution is to come up with a new resolution monthly. January: decrease my shotgunning consumption speed to 7 seconds or less.
I'm calling into work with a wicked case of sledge hammer crotch. She has to understand
What do you think it is?
It's a boy. I know it. She always manages to have a cock inside her somehow.
this lesbian fantasy crush is getting WAY out of hand. just spent an entire meeting staring at her long fingers thinking, "oh those could be fun"
dreams really do come true on the roof and drinking again
I dreamt of sea otters and your boobs. My two favorite things.
Well once I told her I had a girlfriend she actually got more aggressive. Then Danielle called me and she saw the pic of the two of us on my phone and immediately said "can my caller I'd pic be me sitting on your face" wtf?
I had jack at 8 am= instant drunk
My hot gay tattoo artist grew a beard and I'm not taking it well.
I'm never celebrating Galentine's Day again. It was a whorrific mess.
I shouldn't have to tell you to stop throwing knives at me.
I’m appalled by how severely I lower my standards when I’m horny & impaired
Randomize
