So I decided to start saving money for my abortion in a tomato sauce jar because it says ‘Prego.’ I know I thought it was fucking genius!
She was asian and in a relationship... my two weaknesses
you drank a bottle of vodka and then while throwing up in my toilet you kept reminding me our hs reunion was in 2 yrs and it was time to start getting thin again anyway
Im watching someone hooking up in the library
procrastination at its finest
Stop making excuses. You can be here in 5 and cumming in 10
You think they'd ask my permission before turning Pajamarama into an orgy. I saw too many of my friends dicks at once the door got kicked down.
Omg. One night stands are not supposed to show up to your swim class the morning after. Worst lesson ever.
You wouldnt be able to explain the can of green beans in my mailbox, would you?
Haha yeah that's basically it. He was like "i've always had a thing for you, and even sober i still would do and feel the same way." so glad to know i am worthy of a sober hookup as well.
So, settle a debate for my housemates. Have you measured your dick. And how long. Results Will not be disclosed
So how did it go?
I'm not sure if it was all the eggnog or all the alcohol, but hosting an eggnog pong tournament was a mistake.
I did however clean up the cupcakes and vomit so I'm not that bad of a roommate
She asked me to come on her OkCupid date with her
I woke up with my converse still on and a plate of pasta next to my face, if that gives you any indication of how my night went
We are totally like Jim and Pam, except ya know, drunk and not together anymore.
Randomize
