I think I just saw someone hide a body.
he let me duct tape his mouth because i said it was my fetish, i really just wanted him to shut up
Dude, somewhere around here makes 4loko slushies. I just decided coming home isn't so bad.
There is nothing like getting stoned and spying on people with binoculars
Omg. I felt like a crazed animal last night. My lesbian instincts burned a hole in my panties.
Just showered now I smell like berries instead of shame
Threw up on the baby. National Tequila Day is the eve of National I'm A Horrible Nanny Day.
lesson learned.. dressing up like a naughty teacher doesn't mean you can get away with spanking a cop with a ruler for being "fresh" with you
YOU KNOW BRAZILIAN BOYS ARE MY WEAKNESS
I like her because we want the same things out of life AND she actually wants to have sex with me.
Don't masturbate while listening to Pandora. Just came during a buffalo wild wings commercial and I feel really weird about it.
It's really hard to masturbate now that I live with girls who actually function before 11 am.
I can't base my relationships off of good dick and dogs.
One lone grasshopper in the whataburger bathroom. Don't know how it got there. Scared the fuck out of me. Also puked over the side of the silverado fence. The horses looked disappointed. Animal magnetism is beautiful. You taught me well. I love you.
Never in my life did I expect to see Eric's mom in a cheerleader outfit along with other women
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