it was a shit show
We all have our days. But yours might be on the internet.
OMFG I JUST SAW SOMEONE GIVING SOMEONE ELSE ROAD HEAD AND THEY HIT A POTHOLE. my day has been officially made.
I cant remeber how long i've been laying here...it could be 10 minutes to a fucking day
i'd be lying to you if i said i didn't just bring up microsoft excel to make an alcohol budget
Is today national text-a-girl-whose-had-your-dick-in-her-mouth day and I just wasn't aware?? I am getting the most random "just saying hey" texts ever and that's the only common denominator.
Now that world cup is done, funneling out of a vuvuzela has lost its fun
well isn't that the pot calling the kettle a make out whore
I want to spend time with you, and by time, I mean real time. Not your dick in my mouth time.
You'd be so proud. I have the flu/sore throat, so I've tied a scarf around my head and I'm microwaving jagerbombs. Let it never be said I'm not commited.
I believe some people would call last night an orgy.
I'm 50% sure my cousin put weed in these deviled eggs.
And it was in that moment when I realized that these high schoolers looked up to me and that I should set a good example. So I stole a casserole and left.
But I don't wanna live with them bc I need to be able to walk around naked and sex on any surface guilt free.
He jerked off some dude with a slice of Wonder Bread.
The sports guy?
Yeah. They claimed the bread made it hetero
His bedroom is the preferred destination of MILFs, cougars, recent divorcees and sexually frustrated wives
His penis is my hero
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