After I made out with her she fell asleep and started pooting in her sleep. Are we sure lesbians are hot? Cause that wasn't.
when did we get to this "texting at random" level on friendship?
theyre just this beautiful family of functioning alcoholics. i want them to adopt me.
i feel like someone uncorked me like a wine bottle and pulled a living animal outta my arse.
Now that my 6 day bender is behind me, I just realized I might have been the one who took a shit in our mailbox that past few days.
That's fun. I just masturbated and I swear my vagina creaked.
hungover at the ER to get half my contact removed from behind my eye. Not the start to the weekend I was hopin for
Smoked a blunt with a girl i met at the bus stop today. What you did today is irrelevant
My mom just told me my dad shaves his pubes while drunk and I don't know how to feel anymore.
I also have to vacuum the broken noodles out of my suitcase...
I'll be honest, I too would punch the 21 year old version of myself in the face, and then have rough sex with him.
i gotta stop hooking up with people just to get to their dogs
VIVE LA RESISTANCE
Oh god, what now?
Feels weird riding an elevator with my tongue in my own mouth.
Listen, you eat the donut. I eat you out. Everybody wins.
Randomize
