So how was he last night?
Five-minute foot-long.
I just saw a San Diego firetruck. No wonder they can't figure out how to fight wildfires if they get so fucking lost they end up in Nebraska.
she just refered to her hymen as "the mrs"
my mind is a poorly written porno when i'm drunk.
She is screaming bc she thinks you jumped out the window...please show her you just went out for a smoke
I almost drank vegetable oil. Where were you? I needed you.
He called me skinny, I broke his garbage disposal, then denied him sex. Normal second date etiquette.
Oh no that was the time I did the walk of shame with no shoes
I gave him head during Pitch Perfect 2, I felt like the Bella's were cheering me on with their back up tunes
for once I'd like a one night stand where I don't meet the guys mom or wife in the morning
I feel like I smell like bad decisions
I would've fucked Winston Churchill - rode that D like I was going into battle.
Need advice bro. Which one should I take: the blonde devil crying in the corner or the brunette crawling on the floor acting like a dinosaur??
Have you ever forgotten how to pee? I did last night. Standing in front of the urinal with dick in hand. WTF were we drinking???
What’s the best way to find out if he’s into anal?
I think you have the wrong number, but good luck with that
Randomize
