True or false: I did not bring home a 28 year old last night.
True? Did she teach you things?
She taught me the meaning of awkward goodbyes at 530 am.
The bartender told me the best pick-up line was to look deep into her eyes and tell her your gonna flick her vagina
I think she kind of thinks she's better than us now ... please. I go to Michigan.
We had sex this morning and after she goes, " So are we going to do something for Valentines Day?"
I was so scared, I actually heard my grandmother's voice in my head saying if I get pregnant, then my vagina will fall off. And then I'm going to die.
Theres an amvulance here. It might be for me
Sometimes he has weird facial hair...Basically he has a penis... that's what he's got going for him.
Do you know of any good hiding spots in the Atlanta area?
I've reached the gravitational age where it's very hard to get my face and my boobs in the same shot without some kind of yoga involved .
I put tequila in my salad dressing yesterday. Step the fuck up.
So is it safe to say that my only objective from last night is to finish this entire jar of peanut butter?
Got home. All the lights were on. All the doors were unlocked. My room was covered in beads, there's puke in the sink and of course our toilet is still broke. I'd say it was a decent Mardi Gras
Drunk me bought a cell phone last week and began texting sober me. The conversation between the two is still on going.
On a scale of having tea with Ghandi to the apocalypse how bad of an idea is it to drink with a 100 degree fever?
I woke up in a bathtub full of green and blue Nickelodeon slime! wtf?!
Randomize
