i just had sex. the condom broke. we're sleeping in to separate beds. And im in albany
you know how i said i wouldn't send that pic message of your lofted bed falling from you fucking a fat chick? that was after i sent it to your mom
FB needs to have a relationship status called...screwing my roommates bf..linking their names would be an easier to tell her!
A guy at the bar bought me a jag bomb because I'm the chick that frosts his donuts at KT. Never have I been more proud of being a failure at life.
One of my students just said I have "big mommy parts". Even third graders know that my tits are too big. God I love em.
she took her bra off and it was like the puppet strings had been dropped. her tits totally deflated.
Just bought a pack of cigs...gas station guy informed me i took off my underwear and tried to pop a squat by the milk last night...
I wish orgasms lasted as long as the pain from rug burn
you know something has gone wrong in your life when you've gotten a court order to stay away from ALL mc donalds.
she's my drunk super hero.
he asked if i wanted their team name to be " Amandas angels" or " Fuk budies" either way an intermural softball team of all my hook ups from spring semester is just depressing. convenient but depressing
I just saw the Mona Lisa in the background of a porno. Whole new appreciation for art. fuck you I'm cultured.
jusy threw up in the airport bathroom. I am no longer thankful for fireball.
If you can handle my post-party look you da real MVP
Last time I "ran into him" I ended up with the clap and had to explain why the ladder was missing from the garage.
Maybe if I ever do become a counselor, I would just implement a kind of intensive meme therapy.
Randomize
