i'm gonna be such a cougar when i'm older...i just facebook stalked my little sister's 13 yr old boyfriend while drinking a bottle of wine....
I just got a standing ovation when i made it to work on New Years Day. good thing?
"Guy Time" translaed into 10 shots apiece and me waking up covered in my own blood.
Tequila is the liquid version of celery. I lose more calories during tequila drunk and the following sexual activities than I gain by drinking it...
what's an appropriate "I'm fucking your grandson but I'm trying to hide it" outfit?
I just had to stop two people giving each other hand jobs in the pool. That was not something I was taught in lifeguard training
We should celebrate the resignation of Berlusconi tonight with too many bottles of wine and sambuca. We're allies, right?
The realization of how permanent those tattoos really were set in this morning... I am SO sorry.
And after peeing my pants waiting outside for him, i proceeded to drop down and roll in the nearest puddle to pretend like i just ate shit when he arrived
I only remember singing the Captain Planet theme song on our way to the bars.
His name was Kyle but I insisted on calling him baby Jesus all night and then we did a line and he bought me Taco Bell so idk
sorry for the random call. He stopped mid-sex because he wanted confirmation that I was really a reverend.
It's slightly odd going to a booty call during morning rush hour with everyone else going to work.
I've just realized that today's rations have consisted of turkey bacon and jack Daniels.
My GF, FWB and Side piece are all booty calling me. I’m a victim of my sexual success
Randomize
