like literally i think i'm sweating out semen right now
I made an oral joke and he laughed... That's when I realized I wasn't Daddy's Little Girl anymore.
Someone played tic tac toe on my abs?
You had a towel around you and you called it your shot bib.
she has an amazing ass but I need more beers to get past her horse face. It works out perfect becauseI can use her teeth as a bottle opener.
Tim john just told us the story about him losing his virginity at 14 during church on the emergency exit staircase. This is day drinking?
Update. He just picked me up and tried to demonstrate
Sorry for screaming that you were an apple in spanish at the bar last night, that was the wine talking
So the guy who is making our IDs is in jail now for attempted murder, with no bail...
So no fakes?
She sat next to me on the couch and said "word going around is you got a sweet cock". My nickname problem was solved!
I must be the strongest person who ever managed to get knocked down by a pug.
oh my god. picked the worst day ever to not wear underwear...
I'm just gonna stop you right there because there is, in fact, no such thing.
That awkward moment when your boyfriend tries to have sex with his go pro on #hdporn
I walked in on him pumping himself up by headbanging to the drumbeat from Jumanji.
My drug dealer is giving me a 15% veterans discount on my weed for nov 11th
That's the best thing I've heard all week.
Why are you drunk at the library?
Why not?
Randomize
