this is no time to have dignity 4/20 is coming
Great I'll forever be branded as gym slut at the new gym.
I heard about the break up and if you need a place to stay my vagina is open for you 24/7
Its hard to hear the music in here over his nasal whistle. And his breath smells like old milk. I think I need more vodka, and he better be buying. You owe me.
Just induced vomiting to put out a carpet fire.
Everyone is cheering
Nope, had to pee on the side got violated by tall grass. Then someone came around the corner and I had to stop mid pee to dive into the car.. Pants down
Meanwhile she's getting her law degree and I'm dropping Cool Ranch Doritos down my bra because I'm laying down eating on the couch
You also proposed and then tried to jack me off
So what happened? Or does sex + ramen pretty much cover it?
He legit watched "Cops" the entire time he was fingering me.
Of all the kinds of relationships I've had in my life, I'd have to say, lab-partner-with-benefits takes the fuckin cake
I'm talking to a corgi on tinder..wtf has my life come to
At the light, his mom pulled up next to us while I was giving him road head. He forgot to tell me she was meeting us at the movie. So long story short, I convinced her I drove myself, pick me up in 20.
How's moving going?
Uh, we're on the way to the store to buy more booze
He fucked me harder than I've ever been fucked before and afterwards he started crying and profusely apologizing to god and baby Jesus for his sin.
Randomize
