If I die today, promise to let the world know I partied.... oh god did I party
Now you know why i just sit on the toilet and scream
i didn't know falling asleep in the tbell line could get you a dui. Isn't everyone there stoned or drunk?
You know who really doesn't like surpise in-your-face air guitar solos? Strangers.
Wait, how is it that I'm just getting ready to go out and you're already showing your penis to freshmen girls?
I'm just gonna ignore the fact that I have no pants on and find a way home. A good one-nighter never goes back for his pants.
There are so many Jimmy John's employees here
Where are you?
Jimmy John's.
You kept going up to guys in plaid and screaming "are you a lumberjack" in their faces
This cabbie knows where I live. Both awesome and weird.
I have an epic ass bruise from a wheel tonight and I am drunk now because I decided vodka heals all wounds.
This was the first funeral I've ever attended where I had to pee behind a bush cuz someone was passed-out drunk in the locked bathroom. Steve would have been proud.
I seriously just had to blow dry my thong.
About the whale....I wasn't completely awake.
He passed out with his shoes on 20 minutes till midnight, and I didn't have a sharpie so I took the cheese whiz and filled his exposed ass crack.
wait you like me?? for my personality??
I know I was surprised too
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