I had to remind him that there is no "age exchange rate" between the u.s. and spain, and that 16 will always equal 16
I'm playing with the baby I just found in your kitchen
Until last night, I had never actually thrown up ON a sandwich
Plus my stomach has been speaking through my ass all day sending notes saying "fuck you" and "this is from your liver" or "i will kill you."
Carry on my wayward bro, there'll be beer when you get low. lay your neon tank to rest, dont you rage no more.
I'm at his house right now making him pancakes to compensate for YOU not giving him a handjob last night. You're welcome.
i was really disappointed no one would drink beer from our cleavage last night except for us
I broke her handcuffs. I feel like an animal.
New discovery: your vibrator works on my balls. Technology is wonderful I love the future
Glitter fights sound a lot funner in theory.
According to Joseph, last night I crawled into bed and told him to pretend I'm his French maid, and then started speaking with a German accent, and referring to his manbits as "ze greatest Weiner schnitzel I'd ever seen". Basically, last night was a roaring success.
His parents bailed him out, the police said they found him on a curb trying to call people on his wallet, hahha. He had his wallet open to his ear callin people
His sister gave me the "if you hurt him I will break your neck" talk. I didn't know how to tell her we're not a couple.
Standing naked in my kitchen making nachos. I love my youth.
Where are you guys?
Drunk
Randomize
