Cut to me doing the walk of shame to work from a hotel.
riding the spinning bikes at the rec after Valentines Day was a baaddddd idea
How am I suppose to fully love you when you cant even open up and try to fulfill my midget fantasy
The bar owner gave me permission to push people into the pool. I'm never going to leave Los Angeles
In my drunkeness I was planning how to throw up without my parents hearing. I was gonna go for a "run" and just throw up outside.
At first i thought she was a sexily dressed toddler. but not in a pedophile way, in a really on drugs way
Dear slutty diary: I lied about feeling guilty of being a homewrecker in order to have more sex. it worked.
There is a reason for guards on beard trimmers I just clipped a wrinkle on my sack so much blood
telling her she was ovary-acting wasn't the greatest idea. doing it in a text so she could see your spelling was where you really went wrong, though.
Looks like a took a video of myself beating off and passed out last night. I'm classy.
I really couldn't care less what she looks like. That's why The Lord Our God gave us doggy-style.
You brought string cheese to the strip club
You just get me
I'm the wind beneath your wings, bitch
There are condoms rolled onto each bunny ear of the ears I was wearing last night
We are never doing shots of gin. Never again.
I'm pretty sure that's exactly what we're doing.
Randomize
