is it cool if i come over and use your computer?
what happened to yours?
i got a little to drunk last night and threw up on it...then i tried to wash it off under the sink.
I just farted at work and tried to cover up the noise by shuffling papers around
thats the last time i clean cum out of my retainer.
she then came into the room and yelled I'M GOING TO BE A COCK BLOCK for 5 minutes
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
That's it, I refuse to live in a world where sparkly vampires beat Batman at anything.
Sure, fine. Daughter just told me she is not a virgin anymore. I am gonna start drinking now
It's 5:30am in Vegas and I'm eating McDondalds next to crying prostitutes.....low point.
I'm spooning a three legged dog right now. Started drinking whiskey with Breakfast. Best part about being biracial is Irish cousins. Dog Pic Attahed
I wasn't hungover this morning. My head just hurt because someone tried to suction cup a dildo to my forehead.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
P.S. I just made up pleasure scepter for the purpose of that last message.
We may not see eye-to-eye on much, but I'm definitely willing to let you see eye-to-vagina again.
what i'd really like is a nice helping of naked boyfriend with a side of naked boyfriend.
I'm about to eat a honey mustard chicken salad on the toilet while I try to shit. You really think I care about what "kind of guy he is?" The fuck out of here.
If you don't care, I don't. Good luck finding prince charming.
I just unmatched him. If your Thirsty Thursday only consists on the gym then I am not the woman for you ✌🏻️
Somewhere on my work laptop I have a map visualizing all the area codes that Ludacris has ho's
I hope that wasn't done on billed time
I can guarantee that it was
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