He quoted an N'sync song to confess his attraction to me. Needless to say, I had sex with him.
What tipped you off? The sombrero?
i asked why he had a giant piece of popcorn duct taped to his head and he said "No, it's actually part of my neck." so no, i didn't fuck him.
You totally left a blue butt print on our banister
Well I think we can all agree that that's better than then bowl of puke I left last time.
She said I had the biggest dick she'd ever seen. And when you consider how many she's come in contact with, it's kind of like winning the heisman.
I don't really know I'm just giving her a key to get back in and the "don't get pregnant speech" and leaving it at that.
pouring popcorn down my shirt before we went to the bar was the best idea ever. it was delicious and convenient.
You would be married by May if you put half as much energy into getting straight guys as you do into getting gay guys
I didn't just randomly come up with it. But if you want to give me extra credit for creativity I have a bare chest and chocolate sauce left
Bring gay.
By that I meant the rum. I just realized that my request made no sense. You always bring gay.
She's dressed as a slutty goth schoolgirl. Those are my three favorite things. God himself could not give me whiskey dick.
I sang him a lovely rendition of 'So Long and Thanks For All the Fish", but replaced fish with dick.
I told her I was going to sleep early last night. I probably should not have sent that snapchat of us playing beer pong.
On the way home she told me she was in kindergarten when 9/11 happened
She’s a Vegas 8, which makes her an Oklahoma 27
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