In all honesty of all my sexual conquests, his dick is probably my proudest moment.
I was really stoned haha. I had sex with her while I cooked scrambled eggs.
Beautiful fucking linguistics Shakespeare, but youre still not doing that to my face
But he buys me breakfast and goes down on me THATS HARD TO FIND
this is terrible I feel like i'm trapped in a cage with a wild republican
You called me at 3 am and I rode my flat ass bike that I dug out of my garage in the dark to meet you at dunkin donuts for a 10 minute convo about your mother and you didn't drive me home.
you owe me a blunt and a bottle of moscato.
IM WAITING BITCH. ANSWER ME.
But wait then while giving his drive thru order he goes in mid sentence, "Hey baby it's Travis remember me?"
ten seconds after he was done making out with the blonde, he rips off his jacket and screamed "Goddamn it, you know I like brunettes"
I have never seen someone so pissed at getting some. i called dibs so fuck him
Are you texting, crying and driving?
And missing part of my eyebrow. Correct that is the description one would give of me at the moment.
Crust to egg proportion prescribes to a pedantic form of quiche. It's like saying breakfast pizza isn't pizza at all.
Once he bit me I drew the fucking line.
You drunk? Cause I have a terrible idea...
So, were you planning on telling me you left your panties in my glovebox??
this vacation is helping with my sexual bucket list so much. threesome, deaf guy, and outdoor sex all accomplished.
Wine through a straw in a subway cup.....classy
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