You stood in front of a yellow Camaro and kept yelling at it to "Transform already!!!!".. yeah, I'd say you were pretty wasted.
I don't want her to kill herself before she gets over me, getting mentioned in a suicide note isn't very fly.
but it's kind of a high honor.
Now there are two cop cars. If I go to jail I just would like to thank you for making me wear boxers.
It may be that your sole purpose in life is simply to serve as a warning to others..
admittedly, it's a little weird getting relationship advice from the mother of a former one night stand. but she's a wise lady and she buys me drinks, so i'm ok with it.
She's comparing the feel of breasts to shredded cabbage. Weirdest. Grandmother. Ever.
I ate you ate to the whole david gray album
WHY ARE THERE NO BLACK EMOJIS? I CAN NEVER PROPERLY IDENTIFY MYSELF.
If you've never been partying there before, take Shae with you. Drunk Shae is like a GPS. She found us the only bottle shop still open at four, a pot dealer, and told us all which subway to take to get home. She'd never been to Madrid before. It was awesome.
How does she have a hairless cat and a husband it's not fair. Both are hard to come by
this is the first time in over a year I had a pregnancy scare and actually would have known who the father was. I guess this is what adulthood feels like.
I can't hang out tomorrow. A boy wants to feed me ice cream and touch my boobs. Priorities.
Was that you calling me at 4am asking to borrow a rubber ducky and a tampon?
this is a mass text: the cage has been opened. repeat, the cage has been opened. a search party will be organized. you are all sloppy bitches. that is all.
Today I saw someone riding a horse on the sidewalk by aldi when I went to walmart. Old town road was playing on the radio. It was perfect.
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