i nerd-gasmd. plain and simple.
I've decided to bang my pen-pal.
I like complaining with weaving words and complex sentences. It makes me seem more sophisticated and less bitchy.
I GOT MY PERIOD!
damn. i had names picked out.
He told us that was the only place he could get service when we found him in the closet passed out with a beer
if you're passed out when i get there i get to wear your banana costume and do awful things to you
my nipple ring is gone but someone was nice enough to replace it with a paperclip
We haven't said piping hot jizz in awhile... that needs to come back into our conversations
apparently putting your t-shirt on your head with a bottle of captain and telling girls your the pirate king of tallahassee doesn't work
Is it inappropriate to send a happy 3-year anniversary of having a threesome with you and your ex girlfriend on easter text?
I'm beginning to think the entirety of my appeal is due to the size of my ass.
I just got invited to party with a bunch of elderly lesbians I am in no position to offer life advice
No seriously you guys are gonna get arrested
Do me a favor I want you to reach down the front of your pants and underwear and just feel around for a while... if you happen to find your balls then join us
I woke up this morning fully clothed with a dart in my pocket
Almost ran out to the street bowl in hand when I hear the ice cream truck pull up outside.
Everything about that text makes me proud to be your sister.
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