Last night was so much fun. i kept trying to lick everyone
My gynecologist just commented on how well my vagina was waxed
We've started doing pot butter shots. WHY AREN'T U HERE
Things I had in my bed when I woke up: an avocado, a toilet brush, and a note that says thanks but no thanks with the number of taco bell on it. WHAT DID I DRINK?
If I get laid dressed as one of the McPoyle twins, I deserve all the medals.
I found one of your hair extensions on the dance floor. You put it back in your hair
What?! Why else would they put table cloths on a table if not for discreet oral sex? That's why they were invented! Read a book...
She seriously left me for a guy that likes his own statuses on facebook.....
How is there no taco emoji?! That's some bullshit.
It's going to turn into you and me throwing down in a devastating lip-synch battle while everyone else stands around awkwardly.
My mom found your leather pants in our guest room. She doesn't want to know why they are there, she just wants to know if you want them washed.
We talked about breaking up, had sex, and in the middle of said sex, talked more about breaking up- best sad day ever
He said he loved me more than Kel loves orange soda
the result of growing up in the '90's
The good thing about country bars is that the men generally look like men. The bad thing is the country music.
but like who hasn’t gotten fingered at the state fair?
Randomize
