if i could have babies with my dog i totally would cause i know thay would be fucking hott babies.
Omg i either met the gayest dude ever or my next boyfriend
never thought i'd see a ''climb of shame'' until she came down from the attic in front of the whole party..
let's get her a shirt that says "i went to key west for spring break and all i got was this illegitimate child."
you tried to pee on a squirrel and everyone saw. you've got some serious untagging to do
new girl just came onto the hall stumbling drunk with no shoes on and the guy who brought her doesn't have them either
no. 1 rule of bromania: no females
My contribution to the dinner party was a bottle of vodka and a bag of uncooked potatoes. I felt like a Russian serf.
You're welcome to join, but just to warn you, tequila makes my clothes disappear. And I'm telling you that as an adult to an adult, not as your supervising teacher who decides whether or not you graduate.
Just for the record its a bit awkward when you introduced me to your friends at your house as your brother and then insisted in front of them that I sleep in your bed with you
I'm going to have to start playing roller derby again so I can blame my sex-related bruises on that.
in the future when you find clothing in your street, just assume it's mine.
A valentines day commercial would come on while I'm masturbating...
I ate so much cake that I can't even enjoy a blowjob
That's the most first world problem I've ever heard in my life.
did you call me last night and say you were being kidnapped?
Randomize
