I miss Bob Barker.
Yeah, more like Douche Carey...
I must say, I don't like the act of throwing up, but the feeling after is quite delightful
you were so drunk you slurred your pauses
I taped Calvin and Kyles heads together face to face while they were passed out. You should have seen them stumbling around using hungover teamwork trying to find scissors.
Sometimes I wonder how different my life would be if I didn't share a weekly margarita with my mom since i was 12
I am omw to AA Fellowship by the sea w Jenny and a stripper who just paid for our jetski with 85 $1 bills
Omg it was awesome. At one point she says "cum in me, I'm too old to get pregnant".
And then you proceeded to sneak behind thee bar and hold up an empty bottle of vodka and scream LOOK WHO THE BARTENDER IS NOW BITCH!
Well I found out I was essentially dumped and replaced by a hipster and apparently offered a girl $95 to go out with me. In the spirit of the Olympics I will not be spending any time on the medal stand.
She said she'll drive over, bang, and then head home. It's like ordering a pizza.
bro i dont care how hot she was, you try keeping it up with the amount of puppet he had in her room, it was like fucking in jeff dunham's house
I mean, except for the part where I was vomiting up pineapple and hot sauce, it was a really fun time.
Some small part of me hopes I'm on the probationary list because of seeing the Dean at that fetish party.
he told me his feelings for me AFTER sex, so that means he meant it right?
I got dominos and had to stop whilst eating and take a moment of silence for how good it was
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