I hate the awkward morning-after-I-took-your-virginity conversations.
just threw up into the cup of Gatorade I was hoping would settle my stomach. thanks again, alcohol.
she passed on me to fuck the foreign guy. is there a manlier, slightly less gay way of saying "always the bridesmaid, never the bride"?
nope.
He made fire alarm noises before throwing up all over the street.
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I know this request is pointless but you two please try to keep the drinking and drug use to a minimal, I have bail money so write my number on your arm and a "if found call", wear a life jacket and act like a responsible 28 year old please.
I have just disproved the common belief that it is impossible to have mediocre sex in a fire truck.
The fire in my vagina flames on. Fucking terrible firefighter
I've never been so embarrassed. It's like waking up as Fred Durst.
We can see it once so I can see the whole movie, then I'll go see it with him so I know when the boring parts are and I can have sex with him during those parts
A blow job from a tiger shark would still entail less risk to your genitals than having sex with her.
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You'd think the dry cleaners next door would be less judgmental for as much business as my theme parties bring them.
this is gentle reminder #1 not to forget to bring the vibrator when you come
Sorry I twat blocked you earlier I didn't know Sam was over. But, my house my rules, I don't have to knock before I enter. I did see naked butts and smelt "Sex Stank" in the air, we're going to have to set some ground rules when I get home. Hugs and kisses..Mom
i just remember that i was on top of him and he wasnt contributing to the event much.. god i hope he wasnt asleap.
you walked into the party, and all you had on was your left sock... literally.
I didn't have any choice but to cuddle you. Your hair was stuck on my nipple piercing.
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