Will you still be my friend if I read and enjoyed Twilight?
No
Vegas for my brothers bachelor party. Just landed and I have a boner. I'm giggly and teary eyed I'm so excited.
so i just saw your dad embarking upon a biking journey in full reflective gear
...this stays between you and me
Can someone please explain to me why I woke up looking like Ziggy Stardust
U know u have sex too much when u have lube in ur rolliball on ur blackberry
Just walked past a girl wearing nothing but flip flops and an oversized sweatshirt crying by the front gates eating pizza. i just found your soulmate.
what kind of dress can i wear to my high school reunion that says "even though i'm more successful than all of you i'm still up for sex"?
I need to find a more grown up way of dealin with a hangover at the office than pringles and mountain dew at 8:30 am...
I think I'm going to go into my next therapy session with hot client with my fly down and when he tells me about it I'm going to say "how did that happen?!" and then porn music will start to play.
Also. After puking outside of the bar last night, some guy (who saw me puking) said I looked like Jennifer Lawrence, called me J Law, got my number and is now texting me. Who knew puking and rallying would do me any good
Dude we gotta go back to your cabin. left glenn. he's calling me crying and still drunk
I had a spiritual reading tonight and my dead grandmother called me a whore.
you said something about joining a k-pop band before passing out topless on the trampoline.
Woke up with a grilled cheese in my hand, it was like god giving me a high five for the night before
The cat just brought me a bottle opener. I think she's my soulmate.
I'd ask how but then you'd tell me.
Randomize
