These people need to leave so I can have rum and Doritos at work like every other American.
Did we use protection last night?
Um, no...keep in touch, okay?
What'd you guys eat?
Literally everything that was frozen.
Found her in the closet eating mayo out of the jar with a knife
I'd rather say I'm a whore then admit it's his child. Its that bad.
my math prof is telling us what to do in a gun fight. i dont want to live in oakland anymore.
Pro: she asked me to be a bridesmaid. Con: i only have about nine months to get over a phobia of midget strippers.
You gave your boss a bj to get the safe employee of the month award?
body shots are frowned upon at family weddings. i'll keep that in mind next time. maybe.
Maybe I'm nitpicking, but that looked more like how one would jerk off an elephant than it did playing air guitar.
At least I had a $10 coupon for Plan B today. Smart shopping for bad decisions
You know you turned your life around when your drunk eating salad at 3 am on a Friday night
Pretty sure I'm partying in a onesie right now.
I wiped my ass with a McDonalds wrapper. I've hit an all time low. Sorry for my impatience
she gave me a ride on the back of her motor scooter and i swooned so hard
omg it's like all of your grease 2 fantasies come true i'm so happy for you
Randomize
