No room in fridge, chilling wine in snow. Do NOT let the dog pee on it.
Ya well my good-girl image was pretty much blown when he found out I'm going to jail soon.
Hypothetically, if a stripper with braces bites you on the cleavage and it leaves an open wound, do you need a tetanus shot?
She came to the party with six kegs and a life sized portrait of Lavar Burton. SHE WILL BE MY WIFE.
She just kept saying "bless your heart" to him while he cried because he came so fast. I think a Texas woman was just what he needed
Road trip to buy me a baby zebra..are you in or are you in?
I chugged vodka from a 15 ft snorkel. What the fuck did you do with your life today?
I'm basically flying you out for a long weekend of sex and going to the zoo
I'm cool with that
He is currently in a meeting and I am sexting him in Italian
And he's using Google translate to reply. Who says cross country relationships can't be fun?
this is definitely the first time I've ever had an orgasm and then had potatoes smeared on me within the same hour
I dont have to work tomorrow im yelling gibberish at squirrels
I thought he was foreign, but it turns out when you're that drunk, an Ohio accent just sounds Russian.
I think people are normalizing furries
Yeah I know my dick is weird, but I've surprisingly had a lot of fun with it.
I feel like everything in my life has been preparing me for my future sex robot experience
You’re so close!!!
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