in pain and im wearing pink underwear
so?
i dont own pink underwear
i am not allowed to pick the men i sleep with anymore
im at a party in sweatpants, slippers, and a basketball jersey from the eighth grade, 10 bucks says im still getting laid
So I told her I dislocated my shoulder and she said "well okay. I can either be on top or blow you."
Decisions, decisions.
I will now refer to my life as before and after I used Astroglide for the first time
We were all definitely blackout with drunk goggles on, even though you and Amanda were the only ones dressed up as it.
Tip of the day: Don't ever send a bootycxall at 3 in aftnoon. No one will respond n u'll just feel fooolish.
You could become Eskimo brothers with my dad. How can you pass that up? You pussy.
So I just stole my deans keys to break into the dining hall to get coco puffs. I shouldn't have gone to this meeting stoned.
mike is out of commission and cannot make breakfast. he's sitting with two frozen waffles on his face & smiling like an idiot.
You were passed out in the OutBack Bowl Shrimp costume and when we asked you wtf happened you just said On Wisconsin.
Do not take the D yet, he needs to be worth it. Your Vagina is GOLD.
His Australian accent during sex made me think I was in an Outback Steakhouse commercial
you had her IN YOUR BED NO PANTS AND YOU GAVE HER THW BOOT?!?!?!
Stage five clinger bro. had to go.
Definitely went to court without a bra and panties because Mr. LastNight’s dog stole them. I guarantee you I was the only lawyer going commando in court
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