I was just like staring at the lawn boy while singing "You Belong With Me".
I am the king of creep.
so looking at the guys i've dated i feel my vag is a halfway house
if every girl in minneapolis isn't pregnant when i get back to the cities i will cry
I just met the neighbor hes a self proclaimed coke dealer/ softporn producer.
my professor saw me buying beer for the super bowl and said go patriots. thats how i know im getting an A in his class.
OMGGG I JUST SAW A REAL OWL JUST CHILLING ON TOP OF A SIGN POST. I WALKED UP TO HIM AND SAID HOO HOOOOO AND HE TURNED HIS HEAD AT ME AND WAS LIKE YEAHHH BRO
Boobs speak an international language.
You. Dating a sex offender cop. Life writes itself sometimes.
Meanwhile she's getting her law degree and I'm dropping Cool Ranch Doritos down my bra because I'm laying down eating on the couch
My gay card got upgraded to platinum status today.
Chicks before dicks must only mean American dicks
Doug will be the one to get my vagina. I don't know when or how but I'm now declaring that it is his. And he better not disappoint.
I just said give me penis or give me death. Some patriot is rolling around in his grave right now.
If you're gonna show up unannounced on hangover day, you better have coffee doughnuts and a boner
you drug him to get him horny then deny him sex. freaks.
Randomize
