i wanted to sleep on a waterbed so i filled up my bathtub so i could fall asleep in it...
I actually had no interest in him until he started talking about his 4 arrests. That made him go from a 5 1/2 to a 8, easily.
i shall enjoy my approximately 2 hours of being sober today
I think it's our patriotic duty to get high and watch the state of the union tonight
Just had to masturbate in the bathroom because mom changed my room into a "knitting" room. I hate coming home.
We smoked a bowl, ate popcorn, and watched her lava lamp for an hour. it was a quality bonding experience
I gave him head in my cape. On the kitchen floor. Watching a show about bacon.
hot boxing the bathroom at chili's. where the fuck are you, it's too big of a box for just one person.
Not blacking out at our finals party is my Everest
My pubic hair is shaved into the shape of mistletoe.
I hope that's a joke and if not I need a snap of it
IM AT A ROOFTOP FUNDRAISER LOOKING OVER THE WHITE HOUSE I WILL NOT RUIN MYSELF
So the revenge porn my ex posted just resulted in a contract with a gay porn company. I'm going to make $8,000 this weekend. That would a breakup checkmate. Are you joining me in the legislative committee hearing tomorrow?
whatcha doing?
lying in bed pretending to be a slug
Your boobs are like a folk legend.
I’ve looked at so many mouse vaginas in the past week
Randomize
