We should go out drinking together soon
I'm still not going to have sex with you
we should start having sex in the shower. less clean up.
I'm sorry i'm just too high to handle anything besides pirates of the caribbean right now.
she's got a whisker from her dead cat taped to the wall. I'm pretty sure that about sums it up...
Never have I ever before welcomed her period with such enthusiasm. She was starting to pick out baby names. She got me "What to Expect When You're Expecting."
he called to tell me the scratches were still on his back. this was in the summer.. still the best hookup
Maybe I should forgo underwear.
This is a family BBQ no?
i will trade you pizza and a blowjob for a fifth of vodka.
do i get to eat the pizza while you give me the blowjob?
he walkred up to the manager at dennys and said 'look, my friends passed out in your bathroom, can i go get her?'
I see your walk of shame and raise you a day in jail wearing a girls old workout clothes.
Who needs sounds of the ocean? I just fall asleep to whatever chubby he is banging next door.
Back. Waiting on Thong the shuttle bus driver. THONG
If TJ is short for Trader Joe, I'm gonna fuck him
the fact that your 21st birthday is also new years eve is pretty much a death sentence
I’m gonna stop you right there. The last time you had a “brilliant” idea, I woke up to my kitchen covered in flour and a javelin through my tv.
Randomize
