remember that night we drank a bottle of vodka and went to mcdonalds and ordered everything on the dollar menu, twice?
we can't do that now- first b/c they got rid of that menu and 2 b/c we are broke now. damn this recession.
I want something that's relevant to him banging her right after I did. Like "runner-up"
I don't think he understands the importance of corndogs. Or condoms for that matter.
I saw him coke blaxckout on the subway at 9 this morning yelling at people callig himself the gatekeeper.
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Had dinner with my ex husband. The box of wine is gone and I'm laying on the floor in my wedding dress. Where are you?!
Just watered mom's plants with leftover mixed drinks full of Bacardi Silver. I'm such a good daughter.
You are going to be so proud of me, I'm wearing underwear AND tights. That's two layers more than usual between my vagina and the world.
I'm so hungover that if we go to panera, I'll probably get a bread bowl to throw up in.
Well sure, my hetero side is thrilled, but my gay side is soooo judging
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I just realized that every possible way I walk to campus I walk by the house of someone I slept with
Don't need my thirties to be known as the decade of "new types of shits from drinking" like last night.
I am descending into that finals week rage fueled by ramen, mountain dew and bad sex is what's up.
I should get an "I gave blood today" type of sticker, but instead it would say "I went balls deep today"
Masturbated while waiting for my face mask to dry, so it was a productive night.
Thanks to you I can't show my boobs tomorrow for the interview.
You came in wearing a whipped cream bikini what did you think would happen
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