I'm lost and stupid without you.
you really dont want me to drink and drive. you saw what i did to my face and that was only from walking
someone needs to get her out of the garbage can shes never gonna forgive us for this
It started with jello shots. It ended with tears.
I made people serenade her before talking to her and went on a condom run. If I'm going to be in the friend zone, I'm going to be its fucking king.
fuck it. from now on whatever room i wake up in, i'm stealing clothes from. this walk of shame shit is too much without pants
I had sex for the second time today and ate an entire bag of alligator jerky on the way home. These truly are the golden years.
Give me a second. I'm doing my best but I'm drunk so for some reason fitting both my boobs in the pic is just incredibly difficult. They aren't THAT big. I'm just being retarded.
just woke up. hair smells like weed and bbq. shins are bruised. vague memory of us chasing deer at the park at 3 am. fill me in on what exactly happened.
ALSO I MAYBE ACCIDENTALLY HAND CUFFED MYSELF TO A CHAIR
Costco (TM). Making alcoholism affordable!
He said he's going to karaoke tonight and I just spilled a bunch of Cheetos on the floor and ate them all. So that's my night.
He grabbed my tits and sang "you are so beautiful" to them before faceplanting into my chest
Like I thought me shitting my pants was bad today... Then the election happened.
It's totally a relationship. we have sex in other people's beds, watch mad men while high and get drunk on his teammates' beer. don't you dare stomp on my dreams with your societal judgments
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