Ok seriously, can we bring back badminton?
The Redheads category on Pornhub is my number 2 site behind facebook on google chrome. I think I have a problem
Somehow ended up at a stranger's bridal shower. Everyone else is already drunk.
Eliza got arrested. What's the protocol on eating an arrested person's sandwich?
hey tell your friend im sorry for licking his mouth, that was probably inappropriate
He just told me that he goes squirrel hunting. NO LONGER BANGABLE.
So much beer in the passenger seat the seatbelt light is blinking
I don't even see the point of going over to his place dressed anymore.
I hope you fall on your chin.
Jealousy makes you ugly.
How do I explain the handcuffs and tanning goggles on our living room floor? There's rope too. The cats love the rope.
Yes. We drank 3/4 of a handle of vodka, fried and ate a 3lb package of bacon, I tackled the neighbors snowman, made snow angels in our underwear, and then fucked all night. Christmas success.
Carson kissed me on my cold sore before I could stop him so I think I gave my kid herpes. Mom of the year. Just call me MOTY.
Not sure if you're still doing the whole "sleeping with only one person" thing but if you're not we should sleep together when I get back in town tonight.
I can't remember much from that party after we snapchatted my dancing boobs to all of her contacts
I'm not allowed to have sex with him again. My vagina joined in on the protest. There was a petition. All my body parts signed it.
He started talking about getting a puppy together. So of course I went down on him later
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