that was after robitussin, alcohol, and chocolate sauce... but before we finished pregaming
I don't care how ugly she is, I can't turn down a free movie +bj. In this economy that's downright irresponsible
you just used a box of cheese-its to get into the bar
Brought a cooler and a case to a parade. I'm getting dirty looks since it's 10:30. Telling people it's for the troops.
I went from a chick that didn't like to have sex to one that can't get enough of it. I can't believe I'm going to say this but at 27 I think I need a happy medium
i tried to knight her with my dick. she said it was unromantic. what an ungrateful attitude for a knight.
I realised my life had gone downhill since being unemployed when I was making key lime pie on acid at 3am Tuesday morning.
Somehow I got food poisoning AND alcohol poisoning in the same night. Its like everything I love is trying to kill me. I'm waiting for my tv to make its move.
I guess I fell on the bar and kept trying to get back in telling the bouncer that I left my teeth at the bar. Woke up this morning with chipped tooth
You asked him for a membership to him and his dick.
He gave me twenty cool ranch tacos and declared, drunk, " Look, I do good"
I just wanted to check in on you and you replied with a selfie with your Coney Island waiter and the caption "after his shift we're dropping acid together"
She wore her engagement ring the whole time we fucked. I hate her fiancee, so it was cool
Good to know. If our sexting moves past early 1900s vernacular, I'll be sure to use that once or twice.
I found a used condom in my purse this morning. It was in there with a bunch of smushed french fries.
Randomize
