just caught grandpa beating off in the living room
do you want me to make hamburgers?
i'm vegan
i'll put lettuce on them
He's the biggest piece of shit to ever exist. He's not even wearing shoes.
on the list of things id be doing when i was almost 30, waiting for a girl to finish shitting the bed wasn't on there.
My cat puked at the same time as me. Makes me feel better about myself, except he can stand and I can't.
did u really fuck my little sister???
im not saying yes or no but just know that my answer rhymes with "mess"
I hope, cuz I was gunna get "celebritory drunk" but now I have to get "I'm disappointed drunk"
I am willing to take shots of vanilla extract. That's how this night has been.
What did you wear last night? Because I'm pretty sure there are atleast 4 Facebook statuses about your walk of shame.
i just wrote an ode to an enchilada dorito. i'll need that pregnancy test now please.
Just when I thought he had turned a new leaf, I see a "Let me get you pregnant" shirt in his closet
totally just stole a 24 pack straight out of the miller truck
I'm sorry I peed on myself in front of your boy toy. You should tell him I'm usually not that trashy. It was nice meeting him tho..
Definitely accidentally brought drugs into Disneyland. Considering using them.
HE WAS CUMMING IN THAT DICK PIC
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