Yeah but my nose is so stuffed if I tried to give him head I'd suffocate
I'm starving. my midnight snack, aka a teaspoon of cum, isn't holding me over
I lost my virginity in that bed. You just layed in history.
Dudeeeee, i ordered strippers for my party.
I ordered a moonbounce.
Fuck, you win.
They woke me up at 4 in the morning screaming "drunk adventure time!" because they needed a sober chaperone. They made me walk them around the block shoeless.
sorry for allegedly lighting the beer pong balls of fire
Apparently I walked to Denny's in the pouring rain without shoes just socks last night. Excellent.
Drinking Fireball means never having to say you're sorry. Unless its at you're arraignment.
i have to vacuum my washing machine now, asshole
I'm developing all these feelings it's disgusting.
If anybody had to puke on my shoes, I'm glad it was you.
And today, on Faces I'd Like to Sit On .... The starting line up of the German National Football team
Whatever, ill dance on the bar at applebees, don't try and act like you're above it.
Seeing her tonight. She doesn't want dinner, just wants me to come over for awhile. My penis just sent me a thank you card.
He's asking how tall I am he wants to make a body suit out of me
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