So i looked up from her cooch and there was her ex-boyfriend
Awkward
Do you know my vagina holds 14 pints of water?
I was cleaning out my bag and I found some xanax wrapped in plastic with a note that said "use in case of emergency"
hey im home...im not sure how this mcdonalds got here but whatever im gonna eat it anyway.
I judge a person on how well they respect their vaginas... I can tell by the lack of respect she has for hers I dislike her.
Any formal decision about whether we're planning to objectify naked women with daddy issues tonight?
Things I want for my birthday 1. a Chipotle grade tortilla steamer 2. a new liver
Being drunk is way better. Seriously, I just licked your brother to make sure my spit was actually real.
Also he didn't buy condoms after we ran out last week. Luckily I had one, but I told him he should be more optimistic about getting laid
I am in an eBay bidding war over a build a bear one direction tshirt, this is who you choose to bone
I'm disease and pregnancy free. This is an Easter for the books!
When Ben was deep throating pickles last night I actually reconsidered our relationship
I accepted my type is not "conventionally attractive" when she asked me "Him? Are you sure?" 5 times in front of him last night
I came and sneezed at the same time. Words can't describe how awesome it was.
My EX’s roommate heard about the breakup and offered to help me bang it out. I think she hates her even more than I do.
Randomize
