Omg. I just woke up in a room full of naked people
she was screaming in french about how classy it was to be drinking wine. oh... she was drinking it out of the bottle. with a beer in her other hand while throwing up.
yeah seriously, fuck school. I'm changing my master's thesis question from "what are the neuropsychological correlates of antisocial personality" to "will my cat drink this beer"
some girl that im facebook friends with has H1N1, im scared to even go to her facebook page
Stop. You don't mean that. Tequila might mean that. But you don't mean that.
Was just shown the photos from a professional photoshoot my aunt had for their dog...not drunk enough for this...
3rd rule of buttsex she must be clean and shower recently
and skipped dinner
I don't have a choice really. It's either lose 15 lbs by Halloween, or I'm going as a giant banana.
Also got home. Still stoned. Mom was up. We made a pizza and were writing a children's book. Sleep good.
She called to say she's single and blow job season is back.
I just want to have weird supply closet sex with him... and then I'll be all set. Fired, but all set.
Trumps. I've been wiping my ass with fast food napkins for 3 days.
I just realized that I have dated 5 unemployed guys...and 3 that drove pt cruisers...Turns out I do have a type.
IM SO HIGH RIGHT NOW, IM WHAT ROCKET MAN WANTED TO BE WHEN HE GREW UP. ELTON JOHN CAN BLOW ME.
and you fell through a lawn chair
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