dude beer before liquor = i want to shoot myself in the face
If a fat man falls in the shower and nobody is in the apartment, does his pride still hurt? Answer: yes
who's fault is it that she tells me today she is only 16 because i definately met her at the bar...
you threw up in someones recycling bin and left a note apologizing. how drunk do you think you were?!
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i leave for school in 3 days. if you want your annual goodbye blow job you should probably call me
The last thing I remember is funneling tequila out of a pink noodle.
You were too busy being proud of your penis shaped pancakes to notice...
he walked down the highway for 3 miles at 4 am, and got me coffee on the way. i dont think a blow job would have been enough.
Just copped mushrooms from a dude in a business suit. U comin or what?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We were licking ciroc off the poker table
I believe in using alcohol to heal from the inside. Not as a topical solution.
I'm hoping you were seen by someone holding a frozen turkey at 230 in the morning
Taco Bell is giving high school kids free tacos STEAL YOUR BROTHER'S WALLET I'LL BRING THE WEED.
I had mediocre parking lot sex last night so the night wasn't a complete bust.
I just want to feed you taquitos and play with your boner and live happily ever after
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