porn star on stage now. Get unkicked out.
Im doing kagels to the beat of Christmas music... "Jingle Bells" is hard. Try it.
I just used my thong as a hair tie. I think I reached my limit.
His hands were made for my vagina.
I keep waking up with the nagging feeling I gave him half a hand job through his shorts.
Don't worry that pussy is fresh, I'd brush my teeth with it.
I can't bring an entire liter in the bar in my purse. I mean I can. I might. I'm probably gonna.
It's not really the holidays until I raid the medicine cabinet. Happy hydrocodone to me
And a merry methadone to all
it'll be okay! And just think of this ultrasound as the most action you've had in a month...
You know that feeling when you wake up and your whole body just smells like a penis?
Some girls mom just approved of me banging her on Fb.... For the whole world to see.. I'm officially a god.
I threw my back out having sex last night. I don’t know whether to high five myself for a job well done or cry because I’m old.
Rarely does a man I fucked with upgrade from me
The next morning I found her spread eagle asleep on the living room floor and he was asleep with his head in her crotch. I needed a ride and had to wake them up.
the person she was housesitting for had a christmas card from charlie sheen on the fridge so we fucked on the couch and just slept in the bed
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