Time to put an end to this 'unprotected sex with crazy girls who have violent exes' trip I've been on so far this summer
Can you put "designated driver" on a resume?
that knocking you heard last night......that was her head slowly going through the wall
he was so high that he wouldn't speak to anybody for like 30 minutes, he'd only gobble, like a turkey.
I would like to apologize for asking to take advantage of you, wishing you a horny Hanukkah and whatever "abd ethw prnym to mzbe yur penis cna be friends" means.
just had a memory of me telling homeless mark that it was the year of the bunny and he said "you da bunny, girl"
Just because I tried to backhand you with a fist full of cash does not make me violent
Why are you always at the walk in clinic, Lady Chlamydia?
You're not allowed to make that my permanent nickname.
Nothing brings people closer than bonding over tequila shots and running from campus security.
We shouldn't eat pizza in the pool
We r drinking tequila out a glass bottle and smoking weed underwater, pizzas the least of our concern
Oh man 11pm. That means it's time to take my shirt off an eat a brownie
There's a burrito next to my bed. Did you buy it for me or is the Chipotle fairy real? And why am I naked?
They already have a joint checking account. She's got his balls in her purse! What's next, a shared Facebook account?
sex on a trampoline, in the rain, on ecstasy, just thought you should know.
Im glad your laughing because im currently convincing my penis you didnt mean it and its all gunna be ok.
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