Spotted: Pepto Bismol pink Scion with Ed Hardy sticker on front window, air freshener, and seat covers. Total Douchette Mobile.
i called my mom using *69 and said this was the principal and Matt has a snow a day today. she believed me.
I puked for half an hour, but I went and danced afterwards, and that made me feel better.
You are so irish.
We thought we had lost her until we found her in the bushes a block away singing "Jingle Bells".
I just stood up and am wasted. I think I just admitted to my mom that I am trying to fuck everyone in New York because they're skinny and ethnically ambiguous. Meanwhile, happy hour isn't over yet.
And I can say one thing, I look pretty good in high wasted pants. I don't know if that helps. But I do. God I'm high.
Remember when we used to go to the bathroom to do drugs together? Now it's to help you with your spanx.
Can I also remind you that we insisted on touching his mustache?
Well of course I remember it took up like 20 minutes of my night.
It's rum buckets o'clock
Y'know i appreciate how accepting you are of me being a terrible person.
I don't drink nearly as much when I'm coupled, and that's not a lifestyle I can commit to
I'm going to book club and then I'm going to get laid. Being in your 20s ain't so bad sometimes.
He just didn't want his drunk dick pulled out of his windbreaker at the family party
I just made mac at 3:10 am... My life is falling apart...
R.I.P my virginity. TOD 12:37pm
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