Im bringing wine tonight. Its from a merlot from nashville. i bet it'll taste like infidelity and teenage pregnancy.
What the fuck. The girl next to me just looked at her phone, put her stuff away, and popped a birth control and ran out of class. Lucky fucking guy.
Her dress is practically falling off. It must know I'm here.
Remind me if I threw up on you last night or if that was just a dream.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Thanks for not waking me up before the firefighters chopped down my door
I got the number from the girl at uhaul even after she saw me throw up all over the parking lot with a 6 pack in my hands.
I will always remember that night by waking up in that tablecloth the next morning
It's surprise blowjob week. You should be excited.
I walked in her room to find her rubbing lotion on her face high as fuck.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm basically flying you out for a long weekend of sex and going to the zoo
I'm cool with that
dude girls our age are getting married and having babies and I still can't figure out how to defrost my hotpockets
Why I hate online dating: not even one day in and a 57 year old asks me to call him "Daddy."
I'm gonna forget you just shared your personal blowjob aesthetic with me and move on
Just found the measuring tape in my bathroom. How drunk could I have possibly been on Saturday?!
Just in case you blacked out, we had sex, you came in me, we need plan B, we fell off your top bunk, broke your roommates chair, i still like you, but i'm in pain and am going to bed
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