non applicator tampons are so hard to put in when your drunk. i fingered myself for 10 minutes and forgot what i was trying to do.
This guy legit just tried to LSAT formal logic his way into my pants. Contrapositives and everything.
she peed. on the sidewalk. it is 2 pm. Help.
The Fresno prostitute seemed offended all I wanted from her was directions back to the freeway.
please dont ever try to drink horizontally again. I thought I was going to have to give you cpr
I can't break up with him, I ran the math. Taking into account his 7 inch penis and the standard deviation from average, almost 90% of guys should have a smaller penis than he does.
Really? Penis math? This is why guys shouldn't date female engineers.
Quesedillas should not make me weep and drinking water should not make me feel like god is giving me mouth to mouth. Never again.
Kriste-san. Brian-sensai going to sleepy times acturry. Kriste-grasshopper will spend fun-fun times with Brian-sensai and glorious redbox movie tomorrow yes?
Most creative movie date proposition... ever.
which one of you assholes put my new jeans down the garbage disposal?!
I found you walking along the street hammered. You walked up said hi and handed me a beer.
I just realized now that you're pregnant we can't use alcohol as currency
Tell me why i have 60 matches in 72 hours on tinder. Can i sell my tinder account like people used to sell their myspace pages and tumblrs when they had a lot of followers? Is that a thing?
We shared a dick. We're practically sisters!
I'm literally watching a webcam of the Vegas strip right now and it is making me sad.
I woke up while she was taking a panoramic photo of my morning wood
Randomize
