I hate when people uglier than me have girlfriends
Walk of Shame time yet?
Dude she's 6"2, blonde and on the cheerleading team. I look like Seth Rogen's fatter, unfunny brother. What shame am I supposed to be feeling?
you just kept yelling "siddle that plaza" til the cab driver said it back...
Well, at least he doesn't refer to you as his associate. his mattress associate
You said that my dog would "complete your puzzle" then you got naked and took it behind the bar
He's asking if he can send a dick pic. How do I politely decline that?
So his mom walked in the kitchen while I was sucking him off and just casually suggested that "I'd need a glass of water after that"
It's gay pride weekend and Father's day.. So in honor of the occassions I am now BI
Might I also add after my boss threw up in the garbage can and yelled puking rally, he dougied, then told me I wasn't about that life.
My life is sponsored by tidy cat kitty litter, Bacardi rum, and plan b.
"you can only have my number if you answer all the questions on this trivial pursuit card correctly"
I wish there was a morning after pill for dominoes.
just yelled CURVEBALL at my nightie because it turned out to be a pair of shorts
dude kate found out i cheated and busted in while i was taking a shit. I was cornered, nothing i could do
so drinking tonight?
Be there in 15
Omg I'm having dinner at chilli's with a guy who is arguing that getting a weed leaf tatoo on his neck will prevent him from getting a job as a dental assistant
Well that actually sounds reasonable
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