that's the ideal party shoe. cute, but i can still puke in them.
He just refered to Steak and Shake as "a good place for couples". I will definitely not be shacking tonight.
bro i finally banged her last night on our basement couch
I'm at this frat party right now and yelled "my little 16 year old brother finally lost his virginity." They gave you a standing ovation
Reason #1 for no sex outdoors: Mosquito bites. Awkward, awkward mosquito bites.
I won the karaoke contest at the bar last night, when they called my name i was doing blow off the toilet seat, i thought they caught me, i didnt even know there wasa contest
Its that time of year where we just drink more instead of dressing warmer
I mentioned your name at this party and some girl started crying.
Last night you made me help you pick the raisins out of a kashi bar and acted like it was the most important thing to ever happen to you or our friendship
Not only did my parents pick me up from his hotel room in the morning, but he also came outside and had a casual little chat with my dad through the driver's side windrow.
I woke up on a park bench with a nice homeless guy waking me up. I bought us Carl's Jr. Best birthday ever!
Do u think the bouncer will let me in with a giant stuffed snake?
My ultimate hope is that people will hug me, smell me, and therefore think I'm classy.
I was so drunk I got motion sickness from sex.
ok, muffins say "love me", waffles say "fuck me", got it.
My bald co-worker just chugged a literal gallon of coffee. My condolences to his kidneys.
Randomize
