tell ils to like buy her flowers and like a balloon that says, sorry I tried to fuck your sister. I think hallmark makes some of those cards too.
First thing I heard on the radio when I got in the car: "humans and dinosaurs used to live happily together"... I need to stop listening to Christian radio...
Just walked pass a bum on the way to a coinstar... awkward
I'm hoping to finish this bottle of wine before I pass out, I don't want the remainder spilling on my white down comforter.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He's stoned as shit, eating breakfast cereal and taking a dump. All while listening to dubstep. We may never understand him.
you left saying you wanted to "go piss on that girl's doorstep" and we didn't see you the rest of the night
that actually explains a lot
I told my grandmother all I want is a nice guy who likes to be tied up.
This is a mass text. I will facerape you if you bring me Fierce Melon Gatorade and 4 D batteries.
Actually here it's more "lie around naked in a dark room" weather.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm a grown ass woman, I need to get fucked
You lost me at unexpected butt stuff. Everything else I would probably do.
We probably are going to die. So. Thanks for agreeing to be my Maid of Honor even though I torture you.
Someone signed my nipple.
just showered sitting down cuz standing seemed like too much work, thursdays need to stop making me their bitch.
Learned two new lessons today: 1) Do not identify pills found in one's car by taking them to see what happens, especially while at work, and 2) There is no logical reason to keep ambien in one's vehicle...
Randomize