I'm laying in your front yard are you home
My milkshake brings 85 to 90 percent of the boys to the yard
I wish I was a guy so I could jack myself off anytime I wanted to
I think my penis got bigger when i lost weight
MIND BOGGLER: batman and jesus are the same person. Think about it.
you were asking all the dicks on chatroulette if they had daddy issues
Just gave my manager part of my viccodin stash-my job is basically secured forever.
To say he's a good fuck is like saying the beatles had a bit of success. My vag is still mourning the fact he moved.
If you were wondering whether I accidentally FaceTime called the undergrad who works for me in lab during a particularly graphic blow job last night, then the answer is yes.
I'm pretty sure I have a cold now from having sex on the hood of my car in the rain. Worth it? Absolutely.
Recycling day makes me feel more like an alcoholic than regular days.
I made friends with the delivery guy because he had beautiful dread locks and was a Zelda fan. He texted me after he left saying he wasn't trying to be creepy but we should be friends. We're hanging out tomorrow.
How does this kind of shit happen to you?!
You were mean to me and you broke my heart and hurt my feelings. You dont get to talk to me about Peter Dinklage
He smacked my ass so hard my ass cheek looks like Wilson from Cast Away
Whats a little breast milk between friends?
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