wtf someone played my fucking brickbreaker games and lost i had ten fucking lives. ughhh
maybe you did when you were drunk
no way, i wasn't THAT drunk.
hooked up with a girl who spoke elfish last night..what up 8th grade lord of the rings fantasies
the majority of my texts from you are at 3 AM & consist of either "I'm drunk", "you're asian", or "bratwurst"
For his 21st I'm getting a fancy hotel that way he can at least sleep in a nice bathtub
this is hardly the first time i've been told i'm dressed "too suggestively" for 7 in the morning.
I need someone to get my backpack from the bar before class tomorrow. I have to give my students their papers back.
If a Romanian girl's marriage isn't considered legal in the US then she's fair game right?
She sent me a map and directions for a booty call. In a park. Give me reason not to marry her.
We found her. She's owling on the sink in the bathroom.
Tonight, I'll be cleaning. And by cleaning, I mean drinking booze and spraying everything with Febreze.
bro, your right, i shouldn't feel embarrassed about taking shots from a penis-shaped ice sculpture
Well I think I made it pretty obvious I wasn't in to it. I was drinking a beer while he was going down in me
My vibrator looks like a lipstick tube. So does my mace. I just realized the potential problems of keeping them both in the same bag.
I'm in love. Her name is Jamie. She's beautiful. She punched me in the face.
Do you think it would be weird to wear a shirt that says 'big fun small package' from an ex for a first date?
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