What the fuck I just showed up to court still drunk and the judge told me I smelled like his wife
I should be sponsored by Trojan
i went to go through my sent box of drunk texts from last night and they were all deleted... i'm going to assume drunk me made the executive decision that sober me would be better off not knowing what they said
white trash bash was a total success...cops shut it down twice and her hair stayed in rollers all night..she never broke character
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Ok I might come if this chair quits being so great...I'm also seeing this bush in the corner turn into a witch
Just read my long term horoscope. I'm not gonna get laid for another 2 years.
thanks. im glad you find me better in your comparison between me and fat girl porn.
good, we got high then went swimming. shelly forgot to keep swimming so we tied her to the ladder in the shallow part with her bikini top.
He met a random girl on the bus home and decided to go to Spain with her. The blackout decisions are becoming internationally epic. He has work in the morning.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I already have one guy that I have regrettable sex with. I don't need another.
Sorry I can't go bowling with you guys. I'm getting daytime dick. That's the best kind.
Haha I haven't even had my interview yet and I'm already trying to fuck my way to the top. 'Merica.
I'll feed you vitamin c from my mouth this weekend. Like a baby bird.
Promise??
I'm Michael Phelps, Olympic Champion.
Are you just smoking weed? Cause that's not actually a Michael Phelps costume
Sorry again for almost setting you on fire.
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